Average Joe's Sports Blog

Dunkball 2: Teaser

2011-04-06T21:13:00.001-07:00

So, it's been awhile since I blogged. I think my last blog was the night of Lebron's decision. A lot has happened since then. Camille and I have continued to work on our lovely home in Holladay.

Last year we put in all new carpets, wood floors, paint, sod, and a new roof. This year we hope to put in a new fence so our dogs can enjoy the yard unsupervised.

We have been on an animal rescuing spree lately. Since we have moved in, we have fostered 5 cats and 7 dogs and we recently adopted an African Grey parrot named "Baxter". He's quite the funny guy and he is sitting on my shoulder as I type.

Just last week, he went a little kamakazi on us and flew out an open window right into the street and into oncoming traffic and was hit by a car. It's a miracle that he is still with us, I thought he was a goner for sure. But we took him to the vet emergency room and all he had was some bruises. He's almost as good as new.

I have some exciting news. This week we spliced together some footage from Dunkball 2 (that we shot in High Def) and put it together for a contest at Sport Clips. They are doing a video contest and the winner gets $10,000.00 so go vote for our video. I think it's a lot funnier than all the other videos there, but I am a little biased. Here is the link:

http://www.sportclipsmvp.com/

I'll try to blog a little more when we have exciting news. Or even some mundane thoughts.

A few of you wanted my opinion of the Jazz and the Deron Williams trade and the Jerry Sloan retirement. My opinion is this: I haven't watched a Jazz game since.

And yes, I love the Jimmer. I will always love the Jimmer. He gives me a Jimmer and the only way the Jazz will get me back is if they draft the Jimmer so I can watch him on a regular basis.

Married Life

2010-07-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

So, a lot has happened in the past four months...

I married Camille Porter on March 26th, and yes, it was the coolest day of my life.

The same week of the wedding, we purchased a home in Holladay, Utah. It's a fixer upper and that's pretty much what I have been up to.

We've put in new hardwood floors, new carpet, painted every single room in the house, and just finished tearing off 80 years worth of roof and putting on a brand new roof. I can't take credit for all of the work. Camille and her nephew, Kaleb, have been most helpful, and we also hired shingle expert, Dallin, for the new roof. I pretty much live at the Home Depot.

Our two dogs, Kiri and Shiba, love the 1/3 acre of wild forest that our house sits on. Our two cats, Sooki and Koshka, also love to go outside when Camille allows it.

Married life IS everything it's expected to be, and I'm fortunate that my wife fell in love with a dunkball dweeb like myself.

In the world of sports, Lebron James is about to announce his big decision in less than an hour. ESPN has created the biggest hype machine around this kid over the past 8 years. He's lived up to all expectations, except for a championship (which is harder to do since Cleveland has failed to give him an adequate running mate in 7 seasons. But this dog and pony show that he has put on over the past month has made me more of a Deron Williams and Kevin Durant fan.

Hope all is well with everyone, and we'll have our housewarming party soon!

THE AVERAGE JOE BACHELOR PARTY

2010-03-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

Jon here. I've hacked into Joe's blog to inform his readers that we're going to broadcast Joe's bachelor party TONIGHT at about 7.

The windows below should provide you access. If not, just go to the actual link at:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/thejonblogcam

Live TV : Ustream

8 Steps to Protect Your Engagement

2010-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

So, I'm only seven days away from getting married. I've always heard that it is tough to stay chaste during an engagement because of the temptations of the devil. I'd have to say that tuning things down during the engagement was surprisingly easy, and I am here to share my secrets. We may even give seminars to young adults later on in life and become famous speakers :)

Step One: Make sure that she moves in with her married sister/brother (especially if the sister has young children around). You'll never lack privacy, and it's hard to fine any alone time or alone place.

Step Two: Move in with a roommate who owns his own house, is pretty straight-laced and that you'd be embarrassed to get caught making out around (thanks, Pete!)

Step Three: Buy a house or at least pretend like your gonna buy a house. I've found the house buying process kills a woman's libido because she'll act like she likes the house more than her own fiance.

Step Four: Keep the engagement short. 8-12 weeks is plenty of time to plan a wedding. I don't understand these people that can wait 6-12 months. That's how you ruin a wedding, silly!

Step Five: Get a puppy. A puppy needs constant attention and will pee if you turn your head away for one second. The frustration of training it washes away any raging hormones.

Step Six: If you're still feeling randy, get ANOTHER puppy! We did it (and yes, we are insane)

Step Seven: When you buy the house (see Step 3), make sure it's a fixer upper. The chance for any temptations is low when the carpet smells like a mixture of cat pee, old lady, and cigarette smoke :)

Step Eight: The only serious note of this article, make sure to start praying together the closer you get to the wedding. My friend suggested it and it really works.

In fact, all these steps work so well, that sometimes you wonder if you're libido will magically kick back in the first night of marriage and honeymoon. Don't worry, I'm not worried. I know I'll be fine. I'm Average Joe.

See you all at the wedding!

Two weeks to go

2010-03-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

Well, not a whole lot to say in the world of sports...

But I am getting married in two weeks to the beautiful Camille Porter. We are also closing on our home in the next 24 hours. It's all crazy and happening so fast.

If you would have asked me six months ago if I was getting married, buying a house, AND having two cats and two dogs, I would not have believed it.

Well, be-lee dat!

Hope to see you all at the wedding in two weeks!

Super "Awesome" Bowl

2010-01-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

Although my Ravens lost to the stupid Colts, at least they were able to dominate the Patriots in the first round. I couldn't be happier for RB Ray Rice and his breakout Pro Bowl season, along with radical rookie Michael Oher from "The Blindside". I am very excited about the matchup of Saints QB Drew Brees vs. four-time NFL MVP Peyton Manning and his star rookie receiver, BYU's own Austin Collie!

The Jazz are being stubborn and not trading Carlos Boozer while his stock is high. Please don't wait until the off-season to trade him. Get something for him now while he's averaging 20 points and 10 rebounds. Why did you give Paul Millsap the $$$ this summer if you're too stubborn to trade Boozer. It makes no sense!

BYU men's basketball is enjoying it's best regular season since 1988 (when I moved from Idaho Falls to the state of Washington at the age of 9) and I didn't even play H-O-R-S-E in the driveway. I hope the Cougars can get a Mountain West regular season and tournament championship, secure a 3 or 4 seed and actually win a game in March Madness. It's time for the NCAA tournament losing streak to stop.

Oh, and I am officially engaged to a lovely girl named Camille. We are getting married March 26th in Salt Lake. We are super busy trying to buy a house and plan a wedding. It's lucky I even had time for this blog... oh, and we got a puppy, who keeps us plenty busy, too.

2009: Year in Review

2010-01-04T16:43:00.000-08:00

2009 has come and gone faster than I can rememeber! The year and decade are now over. What a weird decade and I will post a 2000's recap a little later.

Last year, I wrote a funny 2008 Christmas Card entry at http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2008/12/2008-christmas-card.html to catch up on what happened last year in my life. This year, I'll just recap.

January: I ventured out on my first-ever single’s cruise to Mexico . I enjoyed non-stop gorging on cruise food , seeing the location where the 1984 movie “Predator” in Puerto Vallarta was filmed, and paying off some dirty cops in Matzatlan after my friend injured herself on a 4-wheeler.

February: I welcomed two new nephews into my family, baby Seth and baby Jonah.

March: My sister Beka was married in Logan and we introduced a really cool brother-in-law to the family, Nathan.

April: We’ll call this chick concert month because I went to see Lily Allen, the Ting Tings, and Britney Spears. I must have been feeling a lot of estrogen that month. Full story at: http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2009/04/lily-allen-ting-tings-britney-jocelyn.html

May: I enjoyed a trip to Zions National Park , and also finished editing a movie that I filmed all the way back in 2006.

June: This was a fun month because our softball team (which is usually terrible) named “Jim’s Orphans” finally started winning and we were on our way to becoming softball champions. To read more: http://averagejoesports.blogspot.com/2009/07/jims-orphans-2009-softball-champs.html Oh, I got an iPhone and joined Twitter. http://www.twitter.com/averagejoseph

July: My 30^th birthday! What an event filled weekend. First my, grandpa died, then I had a film festival for my movie http://www.dunkballmovie.com On the way down to the film festival, our car broke down, so I spent a good part of my 30^th birthday stuck in Barstow, CA with a crook who disguised himself as an owner of an auto repair shop. “Dunkball” won the film festival for "Best Micro Short", and when I got back, I found out that I had been laid off from my job at z-bank.

August: This was quite an eventful month because two things happened simultaneously. I found a new job and a new girlfriend in the same week. Just when I thought I was going to become an unemployed bum with thoughts of relocating anywhere I could, I found peace a solace in a new and exciting position with an amazing girlfriend named Camille.

September: I went to California w/ Camille for the SoCal Film Festival where “Dunkball” was screened.

October: Rocked the best Halloween costume ever as David Bowie from the movie “The Labrynth” and I hit my first ever home runs of my life in a softball game.

November: Enjoyed the best Thanksgiving in years with most of my family up in Kennewick , WA .

December: Welcomed Camille back from her month-long trip to southeast Asia. And spend Christmas with her family and New Years in a hot tub on the 26th floor of American Towers watching the fireworks.

Hopefully, 2010 can be the best year and decade ever!

Intoducing my Podcast

2009-12-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Check out Average Joe's Sports Podcast:

http://averagejoepodcast.blogspot.com/

I loved watching BYU win in dramatic fashion (although I would love at least one Cougar blowout victory over the rival)

Also, Max Hall's did a good job of changing his image of a QB who couldn't win the close game to the "classless Cougar". Way to go, Max! You said what most Cougars think, but the irony is you made yourself look as classless as they come.

And Bronco, have the stones to try and win before overtime.

Dear Peter King,

2009-11-16T16:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Peter King:

Today on Twitter, you announced that one of your Tweeps would have the privilege to write 500 words in your upcoming column. Here is a sample of the story you would get:

One Sunday evening at the impressionable age of 9, I stumbled across a football game. I watched in awe as a guy named Joe Montana threw the ball to someone named John Taylor and everyone celebrated as a team called the 49ers (apparently named after the California Gold Rush of 1849) won something called the Super Bowl.

I was hooked! This Joe Cool became a poster on my wall from that moment until I graduated high school from a rural town called Benton City, WA (pop. 2,000). I became fixated with sports, sneakily watching games on my tiny black-and-white television as my mom didn't like catching me watching football on Sundays in our religious household.

While enrolled at Brigham Young University, Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick came to talk to the communications department he had graduated from twenty years earlier before becoming a national icon. He spoke of his roots and how he became who he was.

That moment, I learned that I had a shot at becoming an intern with the NFL to fulfill a lifelong dream of working in professional sports. I changed my major to public relations and left my cushy college job to spent the next two years using my Friday nights writing articles on women's soccer with hope of building a resume worthy of the Baltimore Ravens.

Two years later, the moment for applying came to pass as I sent my resume into the Ravens. I waited anxiously. Eventually, the Ravens called for an interview. I was sure that they could feel my nervous excitement pushing through the cell phone. Weeks later, they called. I was headed to training camp 2003 in Owings Mills, Maryland.

I remember the first time Brian Billick called for my boss, Kevin Byrne. Coach Billick was boarding a plane and wanted to chat before takeoff. I was nervous, and I couldn't find Mr. Byrne anywhere. I ran all over the building with no luck. Minutes later, I saw Kevin at his desk and informed him that Coach Billick had called, and he frowned at me and told me he was in the men's room and the next time to go find him in the bathroom because he couldn't return the call until coach landed. I learned that in the NFL, everything is important.

I remember answering the phone and Joe Browne, one of the league's senior officials was asking me if Kevin was there, and I said "Yeah". He told me that I should answer questions by saying "Yes" and not "Yeah". I learned that in the NFL, old school manners are important.

I remember defensive coordinator Mike Nolan's wife would bring in cookies every Tuesday to all the staff who worked long hours and rarely saw their families during the season. I learned that in the NFL, family is important.

I remember going in the locker room after practice one evening and seeing Pro Bowl LB Adalius Thomas playing chess with a young boy as part of his community service. I learned in the NFL, service is important.

I remember Jamal Lewis breaking the then-NFL single rushing game record with 295 yards against the Browns and tossing his final touchdown into the stands. Later that week, the fan that caught the football came to the facility, met Jamal, and had the football signed! In the NFL, players aren't too important.

I remember undrafted DT Kelly Gregg getting a five-year lucrative contract extension, the first guaranteed money of his career. I asked him if he would finally replace his used Pontiac Grand Prix he drove to practice every day. He said, "Nah, it still runs fine". In the NFL, money isn't always important.

Finally, I learned that even after my nine-month ride as a PR intern was over, I still mattered. Three years later, I returned to watch a game as the late-Steve McNair defeated the pre-prison Michael Vick in a November game in 2006 as the Ravens finished the season 13-3. I was able to visit the locker room after the game (as if I still I still worked for the team and say hi to Todd Heap, Ed Reed, and Terrell Suggs) and as I was leaving Kevin Byrne, my former boss and forever friend) said "We won, feel free to come back anytime. You're good luck"

In the NFL, every fan is important.

Zombie Movie Trailer

2009-10-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Check out my roommates new Zombie movie trailer: Halloweeen 2009

Softball Runner-Ups

2009-10-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

Earlier in the year, our softball team "Jim's Orphans" went from last-to-first to win our summer softball league.

For the Fall League, we came in 2nd place. The trophy was almost better than our first place trophy (except for the lettering), and the fact we didn't receive t-shirts this time.

But hey, we went from being the worst team in the league for the past three seasons to finished first and second this year with a combined record of 18-3. Yes, I will take that.

Until next spring

Pearl Jam: They Still Got It!

2009-10-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

Let me take you back...

Freshman year in high school in 1993, I was a 14-year old in
Kennewick, WA just 200 miles away from the center of all music at the
time: the Seattle grunge scene. Nirvana was changing everything on
MTV. Pearl Jam's "Ten" was kicking trash all over. In fact, people
were anxiously awaiting their sophomore album "Vs." more than
Nirvana's album "In Utero."

"Vs." was very well received by the critics, but since it was
following up arguably the greatest rock album of my lifetime, the fans
were expecting so much more. Plus, Pearl Jam decided to stop making
music videos. Basically, Pearl Jam decided to do their own thing and
go against the social norm and Ticketmaster very early on in their
career. They started hanging out with Neil Young, and he pretty much
ruined them in the prime of their rock careers.

Granted, going with the entire mantra of rock n roll, they fought "the
man" and did what they wanted to do: perform awesome live concerts.
They have become a band for the fans, and alienated all the
fair-weather fans (like myself).

They became this generation's Led Zeppelin and will go down as one of
the greatest quintessential rock bands of our time, but with all the
secrecy and doing things their own way, they pretty much lost me by
the wayside.

I respect Pearl Jam as being the best of my time -- with "Ten" being
the best rock album I can think of, but unfortunately I didn't become
one of their hardcore fans that did whatever they could to follow them
through their own methods of communication with the fans.

Eddie, you still rock....HARD. To rock arenas the way you always wanted
to in your 40s is quite the success story. May rock and everything it
stands for still live on through you and your bandmates. Your vocals
were incredible last night!

My First Home Runs!

2009-10-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

Let me start this out by saying: I am a terrible baseball/softball player. I never played little league as a child (not even tee-ball). When I was in 7th grade, I decided to try out for the baseball team. I was the first one cut.

When I was a junior in high school, I didn't have a spring sport to play so I asked the baseball coach if I should play. He asked if I had ever played before. I said "no". He said it wasn't a good thing to try and play this late in the game. I took up tennis. The baseball team won the state championship.

Our friend Jim is an all-star softball player. He let us play on his team a while back. I started out at 2nd base, but eventually moved to pitcher. I liked pitcher because all I had to do was throw the ball straight (like skee ball at Chuck E .Cheese). I didn't have to do any special defensive fielding, so I liked it.

After one season, Jim abandoned us to play with real players (and I can't say I don't blame him). The rest of us castoffs formed our own team called "Jim's Orphans" and we would lose about 80% of our games for the next three seasons.

For three years, I was lucky to hit the ball out of the infield and get a single. I had never even hit a double until this spring. I actually got two triples in the summer league. Well the other night, I hit a good shot right to center field. The guy misplayed the ball and I was booking it around and the third base coach waived me in. I beat the tag by a nano second and had my first "inside the park" home run! FINALLY!

Well, two at-bats later, I walked up to the plate and the pitch looked a little inside. I swung anyway (because the poor pitcher had walked like 5 people already). I knew I hit it good because I was booking it around 1st base. I look up and the ball went over the fence. I couldn't believe it.

I would have told you that I would have dunked a basketball before I ever hit a softball over the fence. The swing felt normal, I just got a piece of it. What a glorious feeling. Not one, but two home runs in the same game!

It's about time, it only took me 30 years :)

BYU vs. Colorado State

2009-09-26T13:33:00.001-07:00

Well, I came across a free ticket today for the BYU vs. Colorado State game in Provo. I decided that my fanhood was a stake. I'll let you know....

BYU: The Fallout

2009-09-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

Well, another BCS pipedream already up in smoke. I had aspirations of a possible appearance in the National Championship game, but now - after the beating we took from Florida State in Provo on Saturday - we'll be lucky to get to another Vegas Bowl. At this point, I almost want TCU to beat us so they can run the table and represent the Mountain West Conference in a BCS bowl.

The Oklahoma victory got me so pumped up! That was the game I expected to lose, not Florida State. If we can beat the No. 3 team in the country in front of 80,000 mostly hostile fans, why on earth can an unranked Florida State score 54 points on us in front of 66,000 home fans?

Oh well, at least I won't have to spend my next 10 Saturdays devoted to BYU football. I wanted BCS and I wanted it on the 25th anniversary of BYU's biggest claim to fame - the 1984 National Championship. Now, we are shooting for the Mountain West "Chump-ionship"

Alas, BYU's out. USC is out. I have no idea to root for in college anymore.

The good news is, the Ravens offense is the best its ever appeared. The defense could use a little help, but I would like a deep post-season run by the Ravens very much. Coach Harbaugh and Cam Cameron have that team poised to win, and win big.

BYU vs. Tulane Recap

2009-09-16T18:15:00.000-07:00

It was exciting to watch BYU destroy Tulane 54-3 on ESPN2 on Saturday. These first two weeks are more than I could ever ask for after last seasons "disappointing" 10-3 season. Beating Oklahoma on national television was awesome.

I ended up going to the SoCal Film Festival over the weekend with my new girlfriend, Camille. On the way, we stopped in Las Vegas and I was looking at NFL games to bet on for Sunday, but came away not putting any money on anything. The NFL is way too unpredictable in Week 1 to feel safe about any of the lines.

I'm glad my Baltimore Ravens won their season opener at home against the lowly Chiefs. It makes me nervous that we let them hang around until the final five minutes, but again in Week 1, you just don't know.

I am looking forward to the Florida State vs. BYU game on Saturday. I would like a thorough beatdown of the Seminoles on VS. I need to get rid of Direct TV because they are not showing the game and I am angry at the $90 a month we spend on them.

Oh, and my fantasy team destroyed on Sunday (thanks Adrian Peterson!)

"Dunkball" was well received by the 100 people in attendance at the Huntington Beach library. My fingers are crossed that we get accepted into the Nevada Film Festival and Slamdance.

Dunkball Trailer

2009-09-09T23:18:00.000-07:00

I know, it's backwards that we made a 90-second trailer for a 5-minute movie three months after the movie came out. But with our movie being an official selection of the SoCal Film Fest only five days away, here you go:

And of course, here is the movie after the trailer got you ninja pumped so hard you slapped your friend across the jaw! (hope it's not too much of a let down)

NFL 2009 Sleeper Picks

2009-09-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Average Joe is back after a hectic summer of uncertainty and what not. I am back working for the Z bank, and I have had the time to really think about some sleepers for the upcoming NFL season.

Once again, all the “experts” picked the same division winners as last year in all their season predictions. It drives me crazy that nobody has the guts to take a chance on their picks. In the NFL, there are 32 teams and only 12 make the playoffs. Of those 12 playoff teams, every season an average of 6 new teams make the playoffs while 6 drop out, only about 6 return to the playoffs from the following season.

I like to think of the sleeper teams that will shock people that will make the playoffs or win the division.

Last season, my team, the Baltimore Ravens plus the Atlanta Falcons were the two sleepers from the previous year. In 2008, both teams were picked to finish last in their divisions because they had finished last in 2007. Both teams made the playoffs. It has been a pretty wild offseason, and I think I am ready to make the picks of the surprise teams for this year. Last year I picked the Lions. They became the only defeated team in NFL history at 0-16. But you know what, I took a risk, and my other sleeper prediction “the Baltimore Ravens” were one quarter away from making the Super Bowl.

Here is my sleeper picks for this season:

AFC: Kansas City Chiefs: They could easily win the West now that Herm Edwards is gone. Plus they have a real QB now, and a quality RB.

NFC: St. Louis Rams: They have a quality QB, a quality RB, and a new coach which could translate into a lot of wins in their weak division.

My fantasy football team is going to rock as well. I had the second pick in the draft and here is my lineup.

QB Carson Palmer

QB Matt Schaub

WR Randy Moss

WR Greg Jennings

WR Torry Holt

WR Bernard Berrian

RB Adrian Peterson

RB Reggie Bush

RB Ray Rice

RB Jonathan Stewart

TE Jason Whitten

TE Todd Heap

K Steve Haushka (Baltimore)

Def Baltimore

I could be celebrating come January!

Go Mighty Cougars

2009-09-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

I didn't even get a prediction up before the BYU game. It's probably a good thing, since I would have been wrong. My faith was rattled after last season, even though our expectations were a little too high.

A quick shout out to the amazing young offensive line for holding the Oklahoma defensive front in check.

A super shout out to the Cougar defense! They held the Sooners to fewer points than the Florida Gators did in the BCS title crock last year.

I would have suspected a 14-13 game after the first quarter, but for the entire game, I wouldn't have believe it. It surprised me that the Cougars won even with all the mental errors and turnovers throughout the game.

I have a feeling that Bob Stoops will lose his job after this season. Not just the Cougar loss, but all the BCS bowl games he has blown.

Also, if I were coach Mendencall, I would have taken away Mitch Payne's scholarship this past off season. He is just plain terrible.

But yes, the biggest win in Cougartown in twenty years and I couldn't be happier. I hope we stomp Tulane this weekend. The last time we played them in 2001, we put up 70 points!

New Job

2009-08-31T18:29:00.000-07:00

Just a quick personal update:

Three days after I got laid off from Z Bank, I interviewed with a different department within Z Bank and I got the job!

So for my last post of traveling the world and being a bum and documenting the entire experience, well it's not going to happen. (it's ok though, because the other travelers that I was trying to recruit were all really too broke anyway, which is what happens when you are unemployed and have the time to kill in the first place) We hoped to get sponsors for the trip, but everything had to be planned so quickly it became very difficult to accomplish.

But I am liking my new job, a lot. I now walk to work (which is awesome), and I hope to pull a Ferris Bueller and reverse the miles off my car that my last 4 years of commuting did. I might actually have normal mileage for the year of my vehicle 4 years from now.

As for everything else, my dunkball movie will be screened at the SoCal Film Fest two weeks from tonight.

BYU football debuts on Saturday! I can't believe that the 8 months wait without football is finally over. I hope to have a prediction for BYU by then. Last year, I predicted 10-3, and I was 100% accurate (even though it hurt).

Our Next Movie: 30 Cities, 30 Nights, No hotels

2009-08-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Today is my first official day of unemployment. I was laid off from Z bank on Friday, and I have some severance to figure out what to do with my life next.

I was told I was being laid off just after my 30th birthday, and I've been in SLC for five years now.

Jon and I had some recent success with our first movie experience "Dunkball" which has been well documented on this blog.

I have recently looked into going back to school to pursue a master's degree. I found a degree in Sports Administration from Georgia State, but failed to take the GRE in time to start this fall (terrible hind sight), but I was looking into buying a plane ticket out to Atlanta to check things out before I pack my car to spend the next 2-3 years of my life in Georgia.

Last week, Jet Blue airlines announced that you can fly unlimited from September 8 thru October 8 to anywhere they fly. I've already got trips planned to Atlanta and Los Angeles (for the SoCal Film Festival with Dunkball), and I have family in Seattle, Denver, and Phoenix that I never see, not too mention friends in New York and Baltimore. So why not?

Then a friend at work suggested that instead that I buy a pass, and try to hit 30 cities in 30 days and make an adventure full-length documentary about our travels! What a stupendous idea!

Right now, I am in the process of planning and budgeting, but with my new found time off, my severance pay, and a possible 401k cashout, I could easily fund this rendezvous. Maybe I can get a few of my movie making friends involved (four people, two cameras) and see if we can make this a reality. Here is a possible itinerary:

Sept 8: Salt Lake City

Sept 9: Denver

Sept 10: Chicago

Sept 11: New York (Patriot Day)

Sept 12: Boston

Sept 13: Baltimore (Ravens season opener vs. the Chiefs)

Sept 14: Los Angeles (SoCal Film Festival)

Sept 15: San Francisco

Sept 16: Portland

Sept 17: Seattle

Sept 18: Las Vegas

Sept 19: Phoenix

Sept 20: San Diego (Ravens at Chargers)

Sept 21: Charlotte

Sept 22: Atlanta

Sept 23: Jacksonville, FL

Sept 24: Orlando (Disney World)

Sept 25: New Orleans

Sept 26: Austin, TX

Sept 27: West Palm Beach, FL

Sept 28: Salt Lake City (Pearl Jam Concert)

Sept 29: Washington, DC (Muse concert)

Sept 30: Fort Lauderdale, FL

Oct 1: Nassau, Bahamas

Oct 2: Cancun, Mexico

Oct 3: Montego Bay, Jamaica

Oct 4: Aruba

Oct 5: San Jose, Costa Rica

Oct 6: Bogata, Columbia

Oct 7: San Juan, Puerto Rico

Oct 8: Barbados

Oct 9: Bermuda

Anyway, this is just a rough draft of a crazy itinerary. I figure, if people can watch a dude eating McDonalds for 30 days straight, then they can for sure watch 4 dudes travel the U.S. and Central America for 30 days. We would try to find historical sites, beaches, concerts, babes, sporting events, film festivals, etc.

Now, we just need to find some sponsors and make the bachelor, unemployed Amazing Race happen!

Hooray for severance!

Dunkball: We're published

2009-08-09T13:59:00.001-07:00

I'd like to give a quick shout out to Jay Drew, the Salt Lake Tribune beat writer for BYU football. Thank you for mentioning Dunkball in your blog this week. You helped double the traffic to our website, and we hope this helps spread the word about dunkball. Here is the link:

http://blogs.sltrib.com/byu/2009/08/former-byu-students-win-award-for-short.htm

Thanks, and good luck this season covering the Cougs! I hope that the football team can go undefeated to help out your career!

Joe

Dunkball: Round 2

2009-07-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

After winning the All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival at Raleigh Studios earlier in the month, Dunkball is now an official selection of the SoCal Film Festival in Huntington Beach this September!

They will post the official nomination on their website in about a week.

So, we hope that the judges (and the fans) continue to like our short! Spread the word.

Dunkball forever!

P.S. We are sad to say that the real commissioner of Dunkball, Nick Prince, has officially resigned as he heads off to the University of Illinois to pursue his PhD. Good luck, and we'll miss you!

Jim's Orphans: 2009 Softball Champs

2009-07-28T20:06:00.000-07:00

Finally, a post that isn’t about dunkball!

For the past 4 years, I have been a part of a softball team. It all started when our friend Jim invited us to play softball with him. Jim is a phenomenal athlete. He’s one of those guys that plays shortstop to near perfection, and he hits a home run at almost every at bat. In fact, it shocks you if the ball doesn’t go over the fence.

Despite his talents, his team “the Wilderbeasts” didn’t live up to expectations, well… because the rest of us couldn’t play. I never played little league baseball as a child, so I never grasped the fundamentals of throwing, batting, and fielding. And it’s safe to say that several of our teammates were not up to par with our captain.

Needless to say, the next season, we were not invited back to play by our star player. If I were in his shoes, and my team stunk because my buddies sucked at softball, I would have done the exact same thing. It’s the same reason my roommate Rhett has never wanted me on any of his soccer teams in the past six years.

But all of us castoffs liked playing softball and we had a good time: win or lose. So the following season, we banded together to form our own terrible team and even chose an appropriate label: Jim’s Orphans.

The next three seasons we were absolutely atrocious. Our average record was about 2 wins and 12 losses. We constantly lost by 10 or more runs. But we never lost the competitive spirit and savored every rare victory we got, and had fun no matter what.

We were the only team to bring a boom box into our dugout and play batter music for each player at every at-bat (thanks, Jon). Our fans would come out and support us, cheering loudly even through all the losses (thanks Ashley, Febee, Jaime, Kristi, Annie, Laure, Stephanie, Anna, Bekah, and all the newcomers this season).

Last fall, we played through another brutal season of embarrassing losses, but the team never complained internally, and we actually ended the note on a victory I personally guaranteed.

This spring the entire team was coming back with only one change, we lost our friend Matt, and brought in a wildcard: Maxim. We had been looking for a new shortstop during the entire winter with no luck. A week before the season, we still had not found anyone. The Sunday before our first game, we invited Maxim, who is our centerfielder’s brother. He said he would play, but nobody had seen him play, and he admitted to not playing in nearly a decade.

Two days before our first game we learned that our star player Jim, the superstud shortstop who we named our team after, could play for us. We had already verbally committed to Maxim (who we had never seen play) which led us to a small conundrum: add the star player, or stick to our word.

Needless to say that Maxim played in all but two games (coincidentally, our only two losses) and we finished the season 12-2 (12-0 when Maxim played). He led the team in batting average, always got his glove in the dirt and played excellent defense, and last Thursday, we collected our first ever first-place trophy with championship t-shirts.

I dunno if we finally gelled after playing four years together, or if the competition got worse, or if our new bat allow us to hit it out of the infield, or because our defense really stepped up, or Maxim was just that magical of a missing piece, but we got it done, son!

Needless to say, it’s been a good trophy month. First: Dunkball, my favorite summer pastime, and now: softball, my second favorite pastime.

Go Orphans!

Oh, and we got an extra t-shirt that we will give to Jim (since his new team hasn’t gotten one….yet, jk). We still have a great relationship with him, and he even plays for us when we are short a player and we couldn’t have one the trophy if he had not hit a game-winning grand slam against the second best team three weeks ago.

This is for all of Jim’s Orphans:

1B Johnny

2B Scott

SS Maxim

3B Mark

LF Cyrus

R Abel

CF Josh

RF Ryan

C Jon

P Joe

Plus the boombox, and the FANS!

Dunkball: The Recap

2009-07-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

We had an awesome time in California last weekend. It was filled with food, folks, and fun (and even more exciting than any trip anyone has ever taken to McDonalds)

Anyway, here is a link to our trip (written by the editor of Dunkball, Mr. Jon Madsen)

There is even a clip of our acceptance speech for our award.

Joe

Dunkball: We Won!

2009-07-16T20:48:00.001-07:00

Dunkball took first place this past weekend at the All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival at Raleigh Studios for Best Micro Documentary. It was the innagural festival and they really did a great job of making us feel like a celebrity for an evening with a runway, photos, interviews, and a trophy.

More information on the amazing weekend and roadtrip to come!

Thank you for everybody involved in the movie and especially to Pat Battistini for putting on such a wonderful festival!

Joe

Dunkball: Final Cut still shot

2009-06-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering, here's the editing layout of the Dunkball movie.

Each box above the line sort of in the middle is a separate video segment. The boxes below the midline are audio segments. The dots in the boxes are adjustments within the segments.

Yeah, anyway, pretty boring right? We just wanted to point out how many little boxes we were dealing with.

Dunkball: Save the Best for Last!

2009-06-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

It looks like we will be last up on Saturday night! They are grouping our movie with 3 other shorts in the final showing of the festival.

http://allsports.bside.com/2009/films

Dunkball: Low Rims, High Hopes

2009-06-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

Enjoy! And please share your comments.

Dunkball: The Cast

2009-06-13T18:46:00.001-07:00

The movie premiers tomorrow. Here is the low down on the cast and crew:

Executive Producer & Director: Joe Evans
Editor & Graphics: Jon Madsen

Featured Cast:

1. Joe Evans aka Squatch: Producer, Director, and Editor. Took over for organizing dunkball the past few years after Nick went to pursue his MBA graduate degree, not his NBA degree. Joe submitted the movie to the All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival.

2. Jon Madsen aka Tiny: Master editor and graphics. Although Jon actually never dunks, and he needs to be talked into coming out to play, his MAC and mad Final Cut editing skills helped make this dream come true.

3. Brad Heitman aka Black Ninja: Brad's enthusiasm and witty remarks really helped bring the Dunkball movie vision alive. Most people were concerned about dunking or "winning the tournament" but Brad understood the future of this great sport.

4. Clint Boneck aka Bugger: Clint has been a loyal dunkballer for over a decade. His humorous demeaner was tough to catch on camera, but luckily the ladies help bring out his inner ninja.

5. Scott Steele aka Gimp: Scott missed the first year of Dunkball due to an ACL injury to his knee. Ever since his recovery, you can always count on Scott being there wreak havoc on the opposition.

6. Nick Prince aka U-Nick: Nick was the original commissioner of Dunkball and made sure that we played almost three times a week. Once his organizational skills left for the MBA, dunkball has never felt the same. We hope to get one final Dunkball tournament completed and film before his departure out of state as he persues his PhD in what else? "Organizational Behavior."

Other ballers:

Ricky Wagner (the one in the headband)
Michael Hintze (the blonde dude)
Jason Meyer (aka The Aviator)
Zack Neipp (aka the Green Goblin and the Black Ninja's nemesis)
Nathan Hartman (Indiana boy with mad skillz)
Justin "The Party" (the best camera work and serious lady killa)

Ladies:
Laura Durham
Lindsey Herman
Maria Merrill
Kristi Sorensen
Stephanie Stephan
Adriane Wilson

Original Music:
Dane Morrow

Special Thanks:
To all those that have participated in dunkball over the years (Neal, Devin, Paul, Scott, Mike N, Lex, Rich, Zo) and especially to Rhett Weller, who helped make this website possible.

Dunkball: The Movie Premier

2009-06-12T16:57:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends/Readers,

We are showing the premier of the Dunkball movie this Sunday night at my place at 9 p.m. Hope to see you there.

Contact me if you have any further questions,

Average Joe

Dunkball the movie: We are in!

2009-06-08T16:18:00.001-07:00

Dear readers,

I wanted to inform you that the film Dunkball has been accepted into the All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival! I am very excited to be a part of this! See below:

Hi Joseph -

Thanks again for taking the time to submit your film, “Dunkball”.

As a filmmaker, I understand the long hours, money, and pure passion put into your project to see the vision completed. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure in informing you that your hard work has paid off. I am honored to be screening your film in the inaugural year of the All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival.

Dunkball: The Movie -- It's Done!

2009-05-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

My movie is done. After sitting on the footage for almost three years, we have completed the movie! It has been submitted to All Sports Los Angeles Film Festival, and I will be posting it to this blog and youtube very shortly!

Thanks for all your help Jon

Average Joe

I Am Getting Too Old For This...

2009-05-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

Staying up until 4 a.m. playing Gears of War on the Xbox 360 on a weekday -- it’s so much fun, but oh too crazy. I’m pushing 30 years old and it ruins my entire week.

I could do it five years ago, but not today. Speaking of five years ago, below is a video of me made by MTV when I interned with the Baltimore Ravens. It aired on MTVu during the month of the Super Bowl that year (known as the Janet Jackson Super Bowl).

If you have any trouble viewing the video, here is the youtube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l99X4dacTYM

Trying to Enjoy the End of the Jazz Season

2009-05-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

This week, for the final playoff game that ended the Jazz season a group of about 20 of our friends were invited to cheer on the team along with former Jazz players Thurl Bailey and Pace Mannion along with local broadcaster David James during the Jazz pre-game and half-time show at Energy Solutions Arena as part of the KJZZ broadcast.

My friend, John Maxim, does a local movie critic show (inset link) that is edited by my roommate and editor-in-chief of this blog, Jon Madsen. He had the opportunity to plug his show on KJZZ if he brought a group of rowdy friends to help cheer on the Jazz during the telecast.

We arrived at the arena around 8 p.m. and enjoyed free pizza. On cue going into commercial breaks during the pre-game and half-time show, the stage director would point at us and we would yell and cheer for the team. It was pretty awesome!

Our friends Zo, Scott Hannah, and Cameron really made this fun, and quite funny! We did several choreographed cheers that were made up on the fly! We did a high-five cheer, a chest-bump cheer, and a run-out-of-the-tunnel cheer. Scott provided a few back hand-spring acrobatics and Jon provided some Heely madness.

After the cut from our madness, Thurl “the hurl” Bailey would still be laughing from our antics. I’ve always heard really positive stories about the former Jazz player as a genuine person, and he lived up to the rumors. He is a wonderful person (and a church convert) who really embraces his local celebrity status as an influence for good. After meeting him, I was impressed enough to even to buy his Christmas musical CD!

We didn’t stick around for the end of the game because it would be silly to have us there in case the Jazz lost. We decided that if they made the game interesting, we’d rush back over to scream for the post-game, in case we won. Ronnie Price and Paul Millsap almost made that possible, but in the end, the Jazz came up short. Such was the story of the season.

It was a weird, unlucky season for the Jazz with all sorts of injuries that cost them a lot of games and a low seeding in the playoffs. We could never really get things going all year as one player or another missed the playoffs.

Looking toward to next season, change should happen, but knowing the Jazz, it probably won’t. It looks like coach Jerry Sloan is planning on coming back and so is All-Star forward Carlos Boozer. AK47 is pretty much untradeable, and we need Millsap to stay; but the team can’t afford him. Here's how I see the roster shaping up for next year:

PG - Williams, Price
SG - Brewer, Korver
SF - Miles, Harpring
PF - Boozer, Kirilenko
C - Okur, Koufos

It appears Jazz will stick it out one more season with this team, then try to make more championship changes in the summer of 2010, when Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur, Kyle Korver and Matt Harpring become free agents. Andrei Kirilenko will be more easily tradable plus we will own the draft pick of the New York Knicks in the 2010 NBA draft which could be a top-5 pick.

The Jazz need a dominant big man, who isn’t undersized or European to team up with Deron Williams (who needs to lower his turnovers). Throw in a shooter or two, some defenders/slashers/rebounders and that team could win a title, not this soft, offensive-oriented team.

Lily Allen, Ting Tings, Britney (& Jocelyn)

2009-04-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

What a fantastic week! I will call it chick concert week 2009! In the past week, I went to see British pop stars Lily Allen and Katie from the Ting Tings, and the American equivalent in Pussycat Dolls and Britney Spears. Brace yourselves, this gets wordy.

Wednesday April 8th: We went to see Lily Allen play at a local club called "In The Venue" in downtown Salt Lake City. Lily had a cute stage presence and as a fan, you have to remember that she is only 24 years old. She has a cute way of connecting with her fans and I personally could listen to her talk (and swear) in her cute little British accent for hours. It was refreshing to see a girl become a pop star with her music and without the typical pop star Jessica Simpson image. She’s like the girl next door who ends up really liking drugs. Her songs and lyrics were great and her voice sounded amazing live, but she ended her show with a cover of Britney Spears’ Womanizer, which is a weird choice for an encore finale.

Thursday April 9th: The very next night, we were at the same venue. But this time it was to watch a fun, electric pop duo called The Ting Tings. We decided to arrive early so that we could get great stage positioning. With a general admission show, we wanted to fight for the best position. We got there an hour before the doors even opened and were amongst the first twenty people in line. By the time the doors opened, we were within the first fifty people in because of all the line-cutters ahead of us.

We got right up to the front of the stage, which is quite a feat, considering that we had about 18 people in our group of friends. We watched the opening band called "Hot Tub" which looked like an even more ghetto version of Salt n’ Peppa. That’s right, the GHETTO-er version! It was three super nasty chicas who rapped with some of the craziest, dirtiest lyrics ever introduced. Luckily, they rapped so fast and hard, it was tough to make out all dirty things said.

They had this nasty, stinky guy who was just their dancer. The craziest part of their act was that they would jump into the crowd and get up on both guys and girls. My second cousin Jen was brushed upon by the stinky dancer guy-thing and she had this look of being violated on her face for the next hour. It rubbed its stink right up on her and it lingered. I felt so bad for her. I too was attacked and it was weird seeing dorky white guy get violated by nasty girl with unshaven armpits. Ughhhhhhhh.

After the grodiness was over, we waited for almost an hour for the Ting Tings to perform. I dunno if their dinner got delayed at Denny’s or what, but for only a two-piece band whose equipment was already on stage, they sure took their time. I was even a little angry by the time they took the stage, but I got over it as they pumped up the crowd with their first energy-filled piece. I wish Katie (the lead singer British blond chick) would have talked in her sexy British accent as much as Lily Allen did because, again, I could listen to her for hours!

The energy of the show was awesome, and the drummer Jules (a dude in sunglasses) was a lot of fun to watch. I was drenched in sweat from being right in the front, dancing, and fighting off the masses behind me. It’s been awhile since I had been in a crowded GA (general admission) show, but the tug and tow of the pit wasn’t half as bad as some of the rock concerts I’ve been to over the past 15 years.

Tuesday April 14th: The show I’ve put off for a decade finally came. Trust me, I am straight, but I love Britney. I’ve been a fan since I found out about her on my mission in Brazil ten years ago. I even buy her CDs and listen to them on a regular basis. I love it when people will look through my CD collection. They browse through Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Green Day, Soundgarden, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Muse, Primus, Weezer and then they find the Britney page full of CDs. They just give me this look of "Whaaaaaaaaaa!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" I have nothing to hide. I like her music.

So, long story short, I never could afford a Britney concert when she came last came to Utah in 2001 as a poor college student. Plus, her fans were much younger back then and it would have been weird with all the 7-year olds there. The 2009 Britney is a much different Britney. She passed the "Not Yet A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" stage two husbands and two kids ago.

This concert was titled "Circus" after her new album and it truly was a circus! But first, let’s go pre-concert. I mulled over paying a premium for the tickets back when the Salt Lake show was announced. I was not spending $200 for anybody in person. The most I have ever spent on a concert was $45 and I was going to keep it close. But who was I kidding... It was Britney, and probably the last time you could see her in her twenties.

I finally found a deal where I could get two front-row tickets with no Ticketmaster charges for under $200. Now I needed a date. Who to take? I didn’t have anyone special on the horizon. Besides, it probably wasn’t a good idea to take someone I liked more than a friend to a Britney show only to drool on her while staring at Britney and the Pussycat Dolls. I joked with a few of my friends who happen to be girls (technically more correct than typing girlfriends) that whoever put out the most would win the ticket like an Ebay auction. I had some good offers, but I knew none of them would cash in.

But one of my friends took the joking around a little too seriously and she decided she wanted my extra ticket. While I was away at work, she came through and put up 32 pictures of Britney on the walls of my bedroom and made a cake with a picture of Britney and me (photoshopped) in the frosting. It was all very flattering, like an old school prom date, so Margie won the Britney tix sweepstakes thanks to her creativity and effort.

It decided to rain the day of Britney, but inside it was perfect. Right at 8 p.m. sharp, the Pussycat Dolls ran out on stage to put on a performance. I know very little about the group, but I was mesmerized by their looks, the lead singer’s vocals, and their stage presence. I even got Ashley (the hot blond Doll) to wave and smile at me. That, in and of itself, made the concert worth the price of admission!

Then the Circus started. Britney had her real circus performers put on a show to keep the crowd entertained in between acts. There were real jugglers, dancers, and trapeze artists! The quality of the stunts matched a real Barnum and Bailey circus act or a Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas.

And then, the screaming started. Britney was coming on. The pandemonium rose to a peak at the curtains lifted and Britney came down from above on a swing singing her title track "Circus." The show was an absolute spectacle. A pure show!

About every two songs, she would disappear below the stage to change outfits, while the music blared little interlude songs and her stage dancers performed. They showcased many of her songs from her most recent albums “Circus” and “Blackout” and stayed away from the songs of her past. Even “Hit Me Baby One More Time” was all techno-d out to match her new style.

There were parts that were extremely provocative and something I would NOT want my 5-year old daughter watching (as we had a family of four with two young girls sitting right behind us). I wouldn’t let my own daughter see that until she was at least 17 or 18.

But the showmanship was spectacular from the costumes, props, lighting the stage in a ring of real fire and flames, up until the fireworks at the end. You definitely got your money’s worth because it was more than a concert. It was quite literally, a circus (minus the live elephants.)

One last note: As we were waiting for people to file out, I saw my favorite Jazz dancer Jocelyn who I met three weeks ago. I said hi, and that I recognized her from her blog on the official Jazz website. She pretty much had no recollection of me (as she shouldn’t) and we had the same brief conversation that we had the first time when I had the stones to say hi.

I didn’t try to ask for her phone number or anything but now that we have met twice, a third time would be destiny (in my stalker-ish mind) and I will have to attempt to get some digits.

Sorry, this may be the longest post I’ve ever written, but this past week summed up a decade of expectations of Britney. I hope now that I can finally move on in my daydreams to something a little more realistic.

Britney, thanks for memories...

Jazz Playoff Preview

2009-04-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

After our atrocious loss to the d-league Warriors at home on Saturday, I say the Jazz lock up the No. 8 seed in the playoffs and lose to the Lakers in five.

With that said, it will be a good thing for this team. The front office will not be content with keeping this same soft team together, and we will see some changes with this “young” team that we thought would be so good two years ago after our unpredicted run to the Western Conference Finals in 2007.

Churchball: The Final Year?

2009-04-07T11:26:00.001-07:00

Another season of churchball has come and gone. Churchball is the annual event of awesomeness that brings joy to the cold and drab winter. I’ve been playing in the annual church leagues since I was 12. I may be retiring after this past season.

I remember my first experience playing churchball. My team has never been dominant, but I remember busting out for almost 20 points (at least that is how I remember it in my brain) back in the deacon leagues.

Once I turned 14, I was able to play in the highly competitive church leagues that were composed of 14-17 year olds. Each season after I would get cut from the high school team, the church leagues offered a bit of an escape from the harsh reality of how good I really wasn’t.

One of my happiest basketball memories was hitting a game-tying three pointer to send a game into overtime back when I was 16.

During my college years, churchball was transformed into intramural basketball at BYU (since churchball wasn’t offered). I remember the excitement of coming back to school after Christmas break to sign up a team to compete from January until March.

My freshman team, I put together a sweet team that actually made it to the Final Four. The irony was that the team was so good, that I eventually ended up riding the pine, even though I was the one that hand-picked the team. After that incredibly awkward experience, I made sure to pick a small enough team that I would get to play as much I wanted to, but those teams were never any good.

Fortunately after my college years, my singles stake at the University of Utah still participates in the annual rite of churchball, so once again I had something to look forward to after Christmas. We had some good teams these past five years, but we always seemed to choke like the Utah Jazz in the playoffs.

In 2009, our team was so bad! We lost every single regular season game and finished like 0-8, including two games where we lost as the opponent hit a buzzer-beater to win the game.

We entered the tournament in last place as the No. 9 seeded team. We were able to have a play-in game last week with the winner facing the No. 1 team in the stake if we won.

Needless to say, we finally won a game, and I was able to sink my first three-pointer of the season as the time expired at the end of the third period. Later that night, we faced the top-seeded team and we actually were able to have a lead after three quarters. In the final period, the better team won, but they were the worst bunch of jerks I had seen all season. They treated us with such disrespect (in their defense, they had beat us by 30 the first time we played them) and were talking trash even though they were losing most of the game.

In the end, we didn’t finish the game strong and ended up losing as they caught fire in the 4th quarter. It felt good to see my team finally play up to our potential in the final night of the season.

It’s been a good run, but with my 30th birthday approaching, I’m soon going to join the old man leagues, and that’s not going to be pretty.

"Working" for the Utah Jazz

2009-03-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

You know how you sign up for all those free drawings you see at the store, even though deep down, you know your odds of winning are almost nothing? Well, my perspective on all that changed this month after I mailed in my entry from a Zions Bank branch in Draper to “work” for the Utah Jazz for one game.

Last week, I received a phone call from Meikle, director of marketing with the Utah Jazz, informing me that I had won and would assist with the game night promotions staff for the Jazz as they played an upcoming important game against Yao Ming and the Houston Rockets on national TV!

The Utah Jazz, partnered with my employer Zions Bank, provided me with two tickets for the game, a pre-game meal, and a chance to work like a real employee of the Utah Jazz.

My guest and I arrived before the game and were treated to a delicious full course meal including Oreo cheesecake for dessert. The other winning entrants and I met Vice-President of Marketing for the Jazz, who explained our duties for this unique experience. I had actually met this dude a few years back as my former roommate Paul and I interviewed to become marketing interns for the Jazz. He got the job and I didn’t, but I think he just ended working a bunch of minor league baseball Bees games and out at the car race track in Tooele. yipee

During the first half, we were able to enjoy the game from our decent seats in the upper bowl.

At halftime, me and the other winning contestants were brought out to center court and received a plaque as the True Blue Jazz winners with the president of Zions Bank president and the vice president of public relations, Scott Brough, who I also interviewed for a PR job with Zions bank last year.

The halftime entertainer was “Rubber Boy”, who climbed into a tiny box and then did all these weird circus double jointed moves in his awkward routine. It was like a freak show, but I was trying to put myself into his shoes as he uses his unique ability to contort his body to make money, and realized that he’s just a normal person in a weird situation.

Then I put on the headset to help out with game night operations for the second half. I actually really didn’t do squat, but I was able to watch the second half standing courtside as Jazz dancers walked back and forth between the tunnels in between timeouts. I was even able to meet my favorite Jazz dancer, Jocelyn, who also writes a blog for the official Jazz website.

At the end of the third quarter, we made sure that the “Win a date with a Jazz dancer” promotion went smoothly as the Jazz dancer chose the winning dancing contestant to win a date with her, but she was shafted as he chose a pair of autographed Carlos Boozer sneakers instead! SPOILER: The “winner” was actually a plant, as "contest" was all a sham because they actually don’t want real, creepy fans to win dates with Jazz dancers. I guess I’ll have to earn my dates with Jazz dancers, psyche!

During the fourth quarter, the Jazz took control and won the game. I’d have to say it was a cool experience that I won’t get everyday. It made me really wanna achieve my lifelong dream to work for the Jazz, a dream that I had squashed out of my brain a few years back. Only time will tell, but at least I was able to re-establish a few contacts I had with the team.

Snowboarding

2009-03-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

I went snowboarding last night. I’ve never really written about my snowboarding experiences. There isn’t much to write about really. They're pretty much the same as any average Joe (pun definitely intended).

I went for the first time when I was about 15. My first experience was pretty much just like everybody else. I crashed A LOT, all the way down the hill in fact. It took me over an hour to get down the mountain. I was so sore the next day that my friends and I were smacking each other just revel in the others pain.

After about 2-4 more times, I got the hang of it. Then in college, they offered a sweet price on a season pass for students so I decided to get it my junior and senior year at school.

My junior year, I was going down some awesome treacherous slopes that we had to hike to (I improved greatly that season). While going down, I was boarding by a ravine, and all of a sudden it curved right in front of me. I crashed in the small ditch, but my board hit the other side and my knee smacked me in the mouth.

I rose from the crash and my knee was hurting. I felt around and in my mouth and noticed that my teeth were all jacked up. My front tooth was broken in half, and the tooth next to it was pushed into the canine tooth next to it! So in all, three teeth were jacked. I looked like Sloth from “The Goonies.”

The worst part about the ordeal was that my band had a “important” gig that night I missed which disappointed my fellow band members because I went to the hospital (because all the dentists were closed). They called in an oral surgeon and he yanked my broken front tooth and braced the crooked tooth to the canine so it would go back into place.

So I had to wear a flipper tooth that I could pull in and out for over a year to cover up the gap from my missing front tooth. Needless to say, I didn’t kiss any girls that year.

Cool story: I opted to do an implant instead of a bridge, but because my dental insurance didn’t cover implants, I got the first part of the implant (the post) done in Brazil. I was studying abroad during the summer in Brazil and was walking in a neighborhood, saw a dentist sign, and went it. It sounds shady, but it was a nicer neighborhood and the dentist ended up being great.

The post is when they open your gums, drill into your skull, and put a metal screw in, and close the gums. Then you wait six months to let the bone grow around the screw, re-open the gums and attached a tooth to it. I did the second part in Provo from one of the best implant dentists in the country, Dr. Christiansen. He said that my Brazilian dentist did a fine job, but when he opened my gums, the “American” screw he put in my mouth was a screw he wasn’t familiar with, so he had to jimmy rig a tooth on the screw that would fit.

But my teeth look great now, and every dentist I’ve been to since says that the implant looks great (even on the X-rays)! So the Brazilian and Provo dentist fixed up my snowboarding accident quite nice. In fact, I would have to say that I like my teeth even better now.

So, that’s my only interesting snowboarding story to share.

BYU B-B-Bawk-sketball

2009-03-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

(100th post!)

Embarrassing. That is the only word I have to describe another BYU flame-out in the first-round of the NCAA tournament yesterday morning. As always I felt a pain of disgust on the first day of March Madness once again, like I do every season.

The Cougars played scared, tentative and weak. They never challenged Texas A&M, not once! The game was decided in the first four minutes, which should not happen in a #8 vs. #9 matchup. It was plain disgusting.

BYU needs to figure out a way to get past the first round of the Big Dance. Just like football, BYU needs to find away to get past the Las Vegas Bowl.

Maybe my expectations are just too high. Just like the Utah Jazz, I should be happy with making the playoffs. In reality, I should not think of my local teams to be ready to compete at a championship level.

But I know that type of thinking is wrong. If the University of Utah can reach and WIN a Sugar Bowl, if their basketball team can make a Final Four (like in 1998), then what is holding BYU back?

Is it trouble recruiting top athletes due to the Honor Code? Is it terrible coaching in the post-season? Just like Bronco Mendenhall, BYU basketball head coach Dave Rose will be on a short leash with fans if we don’t get out of the first-round of the tournament soon.

I’m sure the administration is delighted with these two coaches because they continue to win plenty of Mountain West Conference games and Honor Code infractions stay at a minimum, but I don’t want to lower my expectations -- especially if Utah has figured a way to play at a championship caliber level.

It makes me sick.

Joe's Jabs

2009-03-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some quick thoughts about sports and stuff this week:

Jazz: The Jazz are riding their best win-streak in 11 years. I’ve kept quiet because I don’t want to jinx it (knock on wood). The sad thing is the NBA playoffs are too long and WAY too predictable. The best Utah can do is the Western Conference Finals, but no way the Jazz get past the Lakers and the NBA’s atrocious refs. It’s way too conspiracy theory if it is in the best interest of the league and its ratings.

Terrell Owens: I have no thoughts on him being cut by the Cowboys and then being signed by the Buffalo Bills, but I happened to be watching Sports Center when the news broke and they treated it like an earthquake just rocked New York and brought in like 15 analysts to talk about it. Dear Disney, I really don’t want to hear 15 different opinions of “experts” that are on your payroll that all say the exact same thing! The only thing that should happen from this is that reporters need to start calling him TerrELL Owens because he goes by TERRell, and I personally know that it drives him crazy.

Watchmen: I didn’t know what to think before seeing this movie because I read the graphic novel last month (first comic book I’ve ever read). But I went, and it really brought the novel to life. Jackie Earle Haley really brought Rorschach to life! Great performance, but don’t see this movie if you have a weak stomach.

March Madness: Selection Sunday is this week! BYU is making the tournament again, but like always, they will probably disappoint. I have really followed college basketball this season, and it will be an absolute crapshoot when I pick my brackets.

Daylight Saving Time: It’s so nice that it won’t be dark when I get home from work! It also signifies that it is time for Dunkball.

My Job: My Office is moving this week. Why is this significant? Not only will it be a shorter commute, but I have been working in a basement for three solid years without seeing sunlight during the day. One would think that I am turning into Edward Cullen and we all know that he is a tool! I don’t wanna be a vampire.

Bingo: My gambling problem has just gone from poker, to craps, and now Bingo. My friends and I drove 150 miles to Pocatello, Idaho to play Bingo in a dirty, dirty casino on a Saturday! It was actually a lot of fun to play bingo in a crowded, smoke infested room with all the regular locals.

Encore: Encore is my new favorite game to play in a group (besides Gears of War on the Xbox 360, of course). It’s where you pick a word, and teams try to come up with as many songs as possible with that word to win the round. The game is actually really stressful, but I love thinking about songs and lyrics for the following 24 hours AFTER you play. It makes you want to learn more music!

Family: Oh yeah, my baby sister just had her first baby, and so that makes me feel like the old creepy uncle that’ll never have his own family. Plus, my other younger sister is getting married on Saturday, so I’ll be the last unwed child in my family. Now if I ever get married, my wedding will feel like people cheering the fat kid on the track team as he comes in last place in the 400, sure I’ll eventually cross the finish line, but you know when you are getting the pity clap. Ha! Pity clap!

Dunkball: The Movie -- It's Coming!

2009-03-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had the chance to attend my first film festival. It was called the BANFF Film Festival and it featured a lot of extreme outdoor "sports." It’s a Canadian non-profit organization to endorse wild outdoor adventures.

I watched several short 10-15 minute movies on snowboarding, BMX biking, base jumping, rock climbing, and slick-roping. I even witnessed new sport called speed skiing which combines extreme downhill skiing while wearing a parachute so a person can now ski previously impossible slopes using the cushion of a small parachute. The adrenaline junkie dude that invented the sport recently died because it is still so untested and extremely, extremely dangerous.

With springtime just around the corner, my friends and I have a summer sport that we want to claim we invented to call dunkball where we get together and play outdoor hoops at the local elementary school and the 8 foot rims because we are unable to dunk a basketball on regulation 10 foot rims.

It sounds silly, but it is extremely fun and addicting and I’ve been doing it since I was about 14. We have played somewhat consistently for the past four summers and we are looking forward to playing our fifth season here in a few weeks.

We’ve also filmed quite a few of our dunkball experiences with our camcorder, and I’ve always wanted to make a movie featuring our experiences. There are already a few videos (not ours) posted on Youtube BUT I’d like to make the ultimate “mockumentary” to show how silly it is to watch a bunch of guys in their late 20s still enjoying this sport.

I recently discovered via this blog that there is a sports film festival coming up in Los Angeles on July 10th (my 30th birthday) that I could submit our video-graphied experiences of our summer exploits to. Now that I have a deadline, I cannot procrastinate this any longer.

Like UFOs, it is widely known that dunkball exists. We want to let people know that it’s okay to let the skeleton out of the closet and let millions know that it’s okay to enjoy dunking on non-regulation sized hoops. It’s just like an adult owning a pair of Heelys. Embrace it! So what if they laugh, they don’t know the fun they are missing out on!

The Passing of Larry H. Miller

2009-02-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

I have been known to be critical of the owner of the Utah Jazz. I have challenged his business practices, his spending, and his apparent shrewdness as an NBA owner. Larry H. Miller died this last Friday after a battle with diabetes. If it were not for him, the Utah Jazz would not exist.

His story is quite fascinating. I believe he started by working in the parts department of an auto dealership. He worked his way up and eventually bought his first dealership, a Toyota dealership in Murray.

He then owned another and another until his empire grew to over 30 dealerships cover more than three states. He purchased half of the Utah Jazz back in 1985 then a year later bought the second half of the Jazz. The Jazz were planning on moving to Minnesota when he purchased the team. He prevented that move.

He then found a way to build the Delta Center in 1992 and the rest is history. Stockton and Malone led the Jazz to two NBA Finals in 1997 and 1998. Growing up, the Jazz meant almost everything to me, and for his sacrifices of keeping the team here, I don’t think I would be the sports fan I am today.

I have criticized him and he has criticized his own players that he pays, but that is part of the passion for the game. He was just an average Joe, who risked his entire fortune to own a team. I think any average Joe fan with just enough money to do that would take the same risk. I know I would. Owning a sports franchise is a fantasy of mine and just about any average Joe out there.

I think that is why so many people can relate to Larry and why so many people will show up to his funeral on Saturday at Energy Solutions Arena.

Larry, thank you. We are all grateful for you passion for the game and this great state of Utah.

One Date at a Time

2009-02-13T12:50:00.000-08:00

My editor-in-chief Jon recently informed me that my blog has been getting a lot of hits lately. Not for anything spectacular that I have written of course, but for my Valentine’s Day blog from last year. Sadly, it wasn’t content, but just for a silly photo that he put in the blog that received a ton of hits this week thanks to the Lovers' Holiday. Talk about cliché!

But WE DID OUR BEST, BUT OUR BEST WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. Sometimes you have to THROW AWAY YOUR GAME PLAN. Even in dating, sometimes it feels like I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A SLUMP. But then sometimes it feels like THE HOOP IS AS WIDE AS AN OCEAN. I mean, I recently went on a date expecting to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK, but sometimes I realize the GOAL IS A MARATHON AND NOT A SPRINT.

I think I NEED TO TURN IT UP A NOTCH. I’ve been AT THE 20, and now I’m AT THE 30, and I definitely wanna get tackled before I'm AT THE 40. I’VE BEEN THROWING UP BRICKS. I gotta stop YO-YOing at the TOP OF THE KEY, and STEP UP TO THE PLATE. I CAN’T HOLD ANYTHING BACK. I feel like NOBODY BELIEVES IN US. I feel like I have TREMENDOUS UPSIDE. My BEST YEARS ARE AHEAD OF ME. Unlike Cougar football, I JUST NEED TO EXECUTE.

I know… DON'T QUIT, DON’T EVEN QUIT. WE PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. I’ve been living FROM DOWNTOWN for too long. I gotta BRING MY A-GAME. I usually give a girl a-THREE STRIKES AND YOU’RE OUT-policy. I feel that RULES ARE RULES and REFS DIDN’T COST US THE GAME. I mean, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Eventually a gap BIG ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MACK TRUCK through will open up, and all I’ll have to do is TAP, TAP, TAP IT IN. I mean, IT’S 90% MENTAL AND 50% PHYSICAL. I know that one day HE COULD. GO. ALL. THE. WAY. Why not? DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

Super Bowl and Movie Reviews

2009-02-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

Last year, I never wrote a follow up after the Super Bowl about the amazing finish between the Giants and the Patriots with The Helmet Catch.

Yesterday, the nation received another treat with yet another amazing finish in the Super Bowl once again (including WR Larry Fitzgerald’s amazing performance). Although this 4th quarter may have been more exciting, it wasn’t as iconic as last years win with a perfect season on the line.

Although I was rooting for Kurt Warner and the underdog Arizona Cardinals, the better team won last night. I thought the drama was extremely high at the end, but I also thought that officiating was terrible throughout the entire game beginning in the 1st quarter with the Cardinals having to overturn a few key calls. The refs were way too relevant and overshadowing of the drama on the field, and that is the sign of bad officiating.

Great finish, wrong result! (For us underdog fans, because let’s be honest, there is no such thing as a Cardinal fan. Not even in Arizona.)

And of course in this day of internet reporting/blogging and ESPN’s monopoly, everybody already wants to deem this the best Super Bowl ever, even though they said the same thing after last year's game.

To try and remedy this constant of people always giving way too much credit to the present, I will try to give you my five best and worst Super Bowls ever.

Five Worst Super Bowls: (I won’t use Roman Numerals because I have no idea why the NFL stubbornly keeps using these.)

5. Super Bowl 35: Ravens 34 Giants 7 – Although I am a Ravens fan, this Super Bowl was a snoozer because the Ravens the beat down that Ray Lewis and company put on Kerry Collins and the Giants.

4. Super Bowl 28: Dallas 30 Buffalo 13 – This was a boring game because it was a rematch of a blowout from the previous season. This game provided no drama. People wanted to see Buffalo finally win one, but Dallas dominated.

3. Super Bowl 37: Tampa Bay 48 Oakland 21 – Although this game was high scoring, did anybody in America care about a single player on either of these rosters beside a washed up Jerry Rice?

2. Super Bowl 11: Oakland 32 Minnesota 7 – The Vikings lose their 4th Big game.

1. Super Bowl 22: Washington 42 Denver 10 – This game was over in the 2nd quarter, and there were no stars out on the field, unless you count a young loser in John Elway. People forgot about Doug Williams way too quickly, oh wait, he was forgettable.

Five Best Super Bowls:

Wildcard: Super Bowl 43: Pittsburgh 27 Arizona 23 – This game provided tons of big plays, weird scoring, and game-ending drama yet was soured by poor officiating.

5. Super Bowl 42: New York Giants 17 New England 14 – The Helmet Catch, Brady and the Pats finished 18-1. This game would be higher if the first three quarters weren’t snoozers.

4. Super Bowl 23: San Francisco 20 Cincinnati 16 – Joe Montana drove the 49ers 92-yards in the final two minutes with a touchdown to John Taylor to cement his legacy.

3. Super Bowl 25: New York Giants 20 Buffalo 19 – The closest Super Bowl ever that came down to the final play with Scott Norwood’s 47-yard field goal try going wide left.

2. Super Bowl 34: St. Louis 23 Tennessee 16 – This game came down to the final play and the final yard as Kevin Dyson was tackled just short of the game-tying touchdown as time expired. Who writes this stuff, anyway?

1. Super Bowl 32: Denver 31 Green Bay 24 – Extremely underrated. Most people forget how back and forth this game was from start to finish, until Brett Favre’s luck finally ran out on 4th down of the final drive. You never felt like one team was in control the entire game.

And now, with no segue, let’s get to some movie reviews:

I recently saw the movies “The Wrestler” and “Defiance” along with watching “The Dark Knight” in IMAX that was re-released just in time for the Academy Awards coming up in three weeks.

All three of these movies were absolutely amazing and should have been up for some Best Picture considerations. I do thing that Mickey Rourke deserves to win the Oscar for Best Actor. Heath Ledgler deserves the win for Best Supporting Actor, not just because he passed away, but because of his brilliant performance in creating a dark a twisted character in The Joker. You don’t even recognize it is the guy from “Ten Things I Hate About You” with some splotchy makeup except for maybe one or two seconds the entire movie, and that my friends is some great acting!

I can’t begin to tell you how the Nolan brothers created an amazing cop drama script and added characters from comic books fill the voids of a great movie. The Dark Knight delivered in so many ways that it should be up for best picture instead of “The Curious Case of Three Snoozer Hours.”

And here are my movies lists with the Academy Awards looming.

Five Worst Movies of 2008

Honorable Mention: Twilight: Ok, I admit I never actually saw this movie, but this seems about right.

5. Never Back Down: Although this movie was so bad, it was pretty sweet, yet it was still so bad.

4. Tropic Thunder: The comedy in this movie was way too in-your-face as Mr. Not-Funny Ben Stiller’s fingerprints were all over it. I rarely laughed while the jokes were shoved in my face. The Three Amigos had the same plot and will withstand the test of time much better than this crapfest ever will.

3. Eagle Eye: Wow, this movie was bad. It just felt like I had already seen this bad action movie a thousand times before. They sprinkled in a few car crashes to try and make it exciting, but it didn’t work.

2. Mama Mia: I don’t know where to begin, but yikes. But hey, it made a ton of money!

1. Four Christmases: I don’t think I laughed once. My main criteria for any movie making the bad list are if the movie made me angry after I watched it. This one left a bad taste in my system for about four days after I regretfully watched it.

Five Best Movies of 2008

Wild Card: Defiance. Great movie, but I don’t know exactly if it was released in 2008 or 2009. It is a really good war drama.

5. Wall-E: Jon, I actually never saw the ending of this movie, and it left me in a bad mood because I wanted to finish it so bad. But just a wonderful journey of a movie, and it still brings kids along for the ride without all the usual kid movie tricks.

4. Iron Man: Robert Downey Jr. finally gives us something that Toby Maguire, Christian Bale, and whoever played the new Superman never did: A superhero that we actually like when not in costume. Very entertaining!

3. Role Models: This movie was by far the funniest movie of the year. It’s totally politically incorrect in the right way. In fact, it was so wrong that it ended up so right. The only thing missing was a cameo by new funny man Danny McBride, but Paul Rudd filled his void quite amply. Dear Judd Apatow: Please learn from this film instead of putting your name on boring flicks like “Drillbit Taylor”.

2. Slumdog Millionaire: This movie snuck up out of nowhere and won the hearts of moviegoers everywhere. You get absolutely absorbed in the movie and when the ride is over, you leave the theatre feeling happy and telling all your friends to go and see it before wasting their $8 on any other movie.

1. The Dark Knight: The reason this one is ahead of Slumdog is because it absolutely delivered after all of the hype. All the main characters in this movie were interesting, except for Maggie (and they even fixed that in killing her off). Great script, great acting, and I still got chills after the 5th viewing.

Aggressive Jazz Roster Moves

2009-01-28T10:08:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday, I berated a dying public figure to spend some of his hard earned cash before he passes away. I feel a little bit bad about it now. But I wanted to go through and make some suggestions on how to improve the injury-riddled Jazz.

Knowing the Jazz like we do, they don’t like drastic changes. They will try the wait-and-see approach when Carlos Boozer, Andrei Kirilenko, Mehmet Okur and even Matt Harping play together once everybody is healthy again. Then, they will do nothing in the off-season because the team cannot convince free agent NBA marquee players to come to Utah.

Since we cannot lure attractive free agents to Salt Lake City to come play basketball in the great state of Utah, I decided that we need to trade any available pieces we have NOW to surround Deron Williams with championship caliber talent. I dunno about you, but I do not see Boozer, AK, and Memo as championship caliber players. Defense wins championships and all these players are just too soft.

First, the biggest problem -- and it’s not Carlos Boozer -- it’s actually AK47. He is the highest paid player on the team and will be for this year and the following two years and he doesn’t even start and is our 5th leading scorer. It’s a little too much money for the guy who does all the intangibles. We thought he had potential to be the NBA Defensive Player of the Year, but that has just never panned out. Larry Miller has been in love with this guy for so long because in his mind, if AK47 had been guarding Jordan instead of Bryon Russell, the Jazz would have a title. Quit living in the past. We need to get rid of this guy, and fast.

My Andrei Kirilenko trade suggestions:

Trade him for an expiring contract before the trade deadline to a team that could use him to win in the playoffs this season, like for Wally Szczerbiak of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Cleveland would want AK47 skills and we would want some cap space for when the Deron Williams max money hits this summer. Done.

Next up is Carlos Boozer:

Right now, he is pretty untradeable because teams are afraid of him opting out this offseason because he has already mentioned that it is going to happen in July. So, just wait until he opts out, and then sign-and-trade him for SG Michael Redd of the Milwaukee Bucks. Redd just tore his ACL and is out for the year in Milwaukee, but they would love to have a young power forward for the next five years. We need a shooting guard that can shoot, and as much as I love Ronnie Brewer, he can’t do that.

To replace Carlos Boozer, just resign Paul Millsap at 4-5 million dollars per year and make him the starter. He does almost everything that Carlos Boozer does at half the price, and the fans love him.

Next, trade Mehmet Okur right now for center Chris Kaman aka The Caveman of the Los Angeles Clippers. The Jazz love tall white lurpy guys in the middle, and unlike Memo, he actually plays well down low. He can block shots, play on the low block, and collect a ton of rebounds and the attention he would draw would allow Millsap to do what he does best with his hustle plays. Remember, once we acquire Michael Redd’s outside shooting, we don’t need Memo on the perimeter anymore. The Clippers would love the cap space that Okur can provide if he opts out this year or next year because the team has Zach Randolph’s awful contract from the Knicks.

So the starting lineup for next year would be:

PG: Deron Williams ($15 million max contract)

SG: Michael Redd ($15 million max contract, but AK is gone)

SF: C.J. Miles ($3.5 million a year, and hopefully a good slasher)

PF: Paul Millsap ($5 million a year and a bruiser)

C: Chris Kaman ($10 million a year, the same that Memo makes)

We could still have a good team off the bench of young developing players with Brewer (a good slasher), possibly Korver (a great shooter), Harpring’s expiring contract (and veteran knowledge), Kosta, Ronnie Price, etc.

But the most important thing about this roster is that there is no more Euro trash and soft players. These players are tougher and would want to help Williams win a title.

Please, general manager Kevin O’Connor! Pick up the phone! We Jazz fans are tired of AK47 and Boozer’s drama. We want guys that committed to winning. I hate to see Memo go, but he’s not championship material, even though it’s ironic that he’s the only one on the Jazz with a ring.

Also, I’d be ok with longtime head coach Jerry Sloan getting mad at these roster changes and retiring so that assistant coach and former Jazz player Tyrone Corbin, aka Dark Chocolate, would coach these hungry players to a title. Plus you know that this is better for the short-term and the long-term

Ravens Recap

2009-01-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

I know I am a week late with this, but I wanted to submit a Ravens recap for the 2008 season. I was on a cruise in Mexico and watched the game on the boat, and I was unable to write about it until now.

I held up on blogging about the Ravens because I know that a) none of my friends really care about Baltimore and b) I didn’t want to get too excited and jinx their chances of getting to the Super Bowl.

Now that the Steelers won and they are the favorites against the awesome Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl this Sunday, I can now reflect on what an awesome year it was.

The Ravens started out the season with almost zero expectations just having fired their head coach and former BYU tight end Brian Billick. Billick led the Ravens to a Super Bowl title after the 2000 season and bought himself a long tenure as the head coach.

The Ravens got a new owner after the 2003 season (the year I interned with the team in public relations) after Art Modell had owned the team since the 1960s. The new owner wanted his own coach to put his imprint on the team since Brian Billick was Modell’s coach that brought him a championship.

The Ravens tried to hire offensive “guru” Jason Garrett from the Dallas Cowboys after all of their success in 2007. Garrett declined the offer from the Ravens and they hired an unknown special teams coordinator from the Philadelphia Eagles named John Harbaugh.

Harbaugh had been shadowed by his brother Jim Harbaugh, who actually was the starting quarterback for the Ravens in the late 1990s. Their father, Jack, was a longtime college coach; so he came from a football family.

Then the Ravens gave up on 1st-round draft pick Kyle Boller (a rookie during with my year with the team in 2003) and they drafted another unknown in Div. II quarterback Joe Flacco from the University of Delaware.

So there you have it, going into the season with and unknown rookie head coach and unknown rookie QB in Joe Flacco. The Ravens weren’t even planning on starting Flacco this year, but Boller got hurt in the pre-season, then former Heisman trophy winner Troy Smith got really sick with tonsillitis and he missed the first month of the season, so Flacco was the starter by default.

But after a decent start, the Ravens caught fire. They won every game they should have, and only lost to a few solid teams that were clearly better than them (Giants, Colts, Titans and Steelers twice). They ended up as the last wild card team in the playoffs just barely beating the New England Patriots in a tie-breaker to get in.

Baltimore beat the Dolphins in Miami in the 1st round then went into Tennessee in the 2nd round. The mighty Titans were the number one seed, but looked vulnerable the last month of the season. The Ravens won an amazing game where they were outplayed, but had just enough breaks to be one game away from the Super Bowl.

They traveled to a cold Pittsburgh stadium after playing 17 straight weeks in a row (the Ravens lost their bye this year because of a scheduling hiccup after a hurricane in Houston). They fought hard, but injuries had taken their toll, and Pittsburgh was the better team that day. The Steelers led the entire game and after going into the 4th quarter down 16-7, the Ravens scored again to get the score 16-14. They forced Pittsburgh to punt, but on the punt, a scrub on the team pushed a Steelers player after they were out of bounds and they started that drive on the 10-yard line instead of the 40-yard line.

The Steelers superstar safety Troy Long-haired Dude intercepted a pass on third down, and the game was over.

It was a great season, and felt a lot like the Jazz two years ago when they caught a couple of breaks to make it to the Western Conference Finals, but in the end the better team won. Arghhh! The frustration of rooting for the little guys who almost could!

I hope one year it’ll all pay off.

P.S. The cruise was good. I think I needed that time to recover from the loss.

My New Favorite Sports Movie: "The Hammer"

2009-01-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

Here it is! The first ever movie review! I don’t think I have ever written a movie review for Average Joes Sports blog yet (Editors note: see here), but I guess there hasn’t been a good enough sports movie that has come out since I started this blog in July 2007.

My favorite sports movie of all time is “Rudy.” I liked “Hoosiers” and “The Natural,” but they were before my time -- hence not my favorites.

“The Hammer” stars Adam Carolla, who is best known for his former work on “The Man Show” on Comedy Central and his nationally syndicated radio he used to do with Dr. Drew on “Loveline.” Adam Carolla carries a stigma for crude humor, but I would call this movie a family film. The “R” rating is EXTREMELY deceiving because I could watch this with my nephews and nieces, which shows how wrong the MPAA was with this one.

The thing I like the most about this movie is the pacing. It isn’t a fast movie. It just chugs along nice and slow. Unlike most Hollywood blockbuster comedies, this one doesn’t need shock value or super crude humor in order to force laughs. The humor is subtle and sprinkled throughout the entire movie, so you don’t have to wait too long in between laughs and the laughs are surprisingly refreshing.

It’s just 90 minutes of Adam Carolla playing himself with his awesome sarcastic humor. It’s like a funny, but not-so-serious version of Rocky or every other boxing cliché movie we have all seen.

I’m sure the average person has never even heard of this movie, so go find it. I don’t know if your local Blockbuster would carry this movie, but for everyone’s benefit, I hope they do. Watch it on a date, with your friends or just by yourself. You’ll find yourself laughing out loud to all the little humor it provides.

"The Hammer": Rent it, watch it, BUY it, and share it.

Urban, Yes You Can!

2009-01-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

There is one man in the country that can change the monopoly of the BCS, and it’s not necessarily president-elect Barack Obama and his famous campaign slogan “Yes we can.” It’s Florida head coach Urban Meyer.

How can Urban Meyer knock out the money hungry BCS? By being a martyr.

How? It’s simple.

Urban Meyer needs to have a meeting with his players before the BCS national championship tomorrow. He needs to tell them that they are going to do something for the greater good, but it will require a personal sacrifice as a team.

After Florida beats Oklahoma tomorrow night (and we all know they will cause Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops is a known bowl choker), they need to accept their crystal football BCS national champion trophy and take the microphone from the BCS commissioner.

Instead of giving their celebratory speech, Florida head coach Urban Meyer needs to say that they cannot accept this trophy because they are not the last undefeated team standing. Then the player captain needs to give the trophy back to the BCS commissioner and say they all agree and that Utah is the deserving champion in this corrupt system.

Can you imagine the look on the BCS commissioners face as this is done on live TV? The players will be heralded across the country for standing up for what they believe in for the greater good.

And they couldn’t hand the trophy to Oklahoma after the rejection from Florida because Stoops would be massacred in the papers for even accepting it. Urban would do Utah a favor after ditching the school four years ago.

Urban Meyer will be fired the next day by the University of Florida, but he’ll go down in lore amongst fans forever. He’s already done everything he possibly can for the University of Florida. Two national championships (one given back), and Florida fans have always cherished former old ball coach Steve Spurrier more than Urban anyway.

Urban would get a job within a week anyway. There will be dozens of offers from colleges or pro teams for him to choose from. You know the Jets, Lions or Browns would hire him in a heartbeat.

This would force BCS change from within, and not through anti-trust trials through the Supreme Court so that President Obama can focus on more important matters.

I love this idea, even if it’s a pipe dream. Does anyone have Kyle Whittingham’s number? He needs to put in a call to his friend, Urban ASAP.

The shockwaves would force change, and change is goooooooood.

Urban, Yes You Can!

Venting and Realization

2009-01-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

Ok Jon. Point made loud and clear. It is very POSER to abandon my team when the chips are down. And yes, a true fan sticks it through thick and thin. If I were to abandon the Cougars after a 10-3 season then jump back on if they run the table, I’d be no better than your average Ute fan who loves his team only when they go 13-0.

So, I admit, my post yesterday was venting after a very frustrating week at an “underachieving” season after expectations were extremely bloated after the UCLA shutout.

My secondary team has always been Washington State from the PAC-10, who used to have a good football program, but now has a really good basketball program. I have an affinity for the PAC-10 and I even like USC. Although their head coach Pete Carroll can be very quirky, he is quite the interesting individual. It just blows my mind that USC always has the best talent during the past decade, yet they have to run the table to get into the title game.

They have the biggest college football TV market in the nation! They have the most talent! Yet towns like Austin (Texas), Norman (Oklahoma), Baton Rouge (LSU), Gainesville (Florida), and Columbus (Ohio State) don’t have to run the table to get the nod in the title game over a team (USC) who can beat these teams anytime, anywhere. It is some sort of a bias even when USC is just as rich in college football history in tradition as these other schools.

Ohio State just lost again, and Oklahoma will lose again on Thursday, yet I know that USC could beat Florida in Gainesville on any given day.

So, I was listening to the radio broadcast of the Fiesta Bowl last night while driving and it hit me that sports aren’t for the smartest people around. I guess that shows how stupid I must be if it took me 29 years to realize that.

But seriously, who likes sports? It’s not all the “smart” people who follow politics and business and own all the property in town. It’s Billy Joe Bob southern guy who eats, drinks and tailgates away as he roots on Alabama Crimson Tide football. Sports are for bars, gamblers and little kids who are easily impressionable.

ESPN, the biggest broadcaster of sports, who needs a class action lawsuit like the one put on Microsoft nearly a decade ago for monopolizing practices, is owned by Disney. What does Disney do best? Sell garbage to little kids.

Think of some of the biggest sports fans you know. Do they even have jobs?

The way these announcers talk down to their general knowledge like we can’t even read really started to bother me. Think about all the lame sports clichés out there. None of them make sense and any rational intelligent person would question almost all of them.

I don’t know what my point is to this realization. Maybe I am smart enough to come to any conclusion yet, but if I invested as much time into sports into something worthwhile, I could have a post graduate degree right now.

Don’t get me wrong, the determination and teamwork a child can learn in sports can be crucial for their future development. But throwing a football down a field or skating backwards won’t solve life’s problems. I guess it’s just keeping your fandom in perspective, but learning to appreciate art, music, religion, business and politics are important to living a balanced and healthy life.

ESPN already has like 6 channels anyway, so they need to launch a sports channel called ESPNerd, that applies sports to real life situations and actually gives us an intellectual breakdown of the game, and not some former jock who had his brains bashed after seven football-related concussions telling me that the BCS got it right and I’ll just nod my head and agree just because ESPN paid millions of dollars to broadcast and support an obviously flawed system that anybody over the age of 5 can figure out is blatantly nonsense.

New Team Sweepstakes

2009-01-05T15:24:00.000-08:00

Ok. It’s time. I’ve had my last straw. I need a happy ending. I haven’t had one since my childhood team the San Francisco 49ers won the Super Bowl back in 1994 thanks to Deion Sanders (sorry Steve Young, but Deion won you that Super Bowl). It’s time to divorce my fanhood from BYU and the Utah Jazz. I’ll keep with my word and stick with the Jazz until the end of the season to see if they get healthy and go on some miracle run in the playoffs.

Why did I become a San Francisco 49ers fan back in 1989 when I was 9 years old? Because I turned on the television one night and saw them beat the Cincinnati Bengals in the Super Bowl. It was easy. I saw a team win it all when I was young and impressionable and they were my team. I didn’t pick the Bengals. Sure they had Icky Woods and his awesome dance “The Icky Shuffle” and a quarterback named Boomer (one of the coolest nicknames ever), but I picked the team that won the game and THE championship.

The 49ers consisted of guys named “Jerry” and “Joe” (Jerry Rice – the greatest wide receiver of all-time without a cool nickname and Joe Montana – the greatest quarterback of all-time, also without a super cool nickname). But they won in the clutch and that was enough for me dancing around my living room in 4th grade happy as an impressionable kid could possibly be for no reason whatsoever. Why do you think there are so many Yankee, Lakers, Celtics and Cowboys fans in the world? Because their fans can actually remember championships in their lifetimes!

I’ve already gone into great detail about how this is my last season rooting for the Jazz before they lose in the playoffs AGAIN (20 agonizing years and counting), but my BYU development is relatively new. I mean, c’mon, they are my alma mater.

But I decided I can still like BYU the University and its academics and what it stands for, but I can’t get excited about a team that is absolutely the antithesis of clutch. After watching the University of Utah and its crappy basketball team beat a top-15 Gonzaga team in person last Wednesday, then seeing its over-rated football team destroy the “powerful” University of Alabama in the Sugar Bowl after BYU couldn’t defeat a 7-5 Arizona team in a “home” game at the Vegas bowl, THEN watching BYU losing to No. 6 Wake Forest at the Marriott Center in typical keep-it-close-until-the-final-two-minutes-only-to-get-your-hopes-up-then-have-your-heart-ripped-out-in-the-final-two-minutes-Jazz-playoff-fashion, I’ve had enough...

So now I am campaigning for a new college team that I can be a fan of: One that actually has a shot a delivering me a basketball or football championship in the next 3-5 years. Utah, Oklahoma, Florida, Tennessee, Ohio State, Michigan, anything from Texas, Duke and North Carolina are out.

Or I could be like Sports Guy from ESPN.com and not even have a favorite college team and just stick with pro sports since the BCS doesn’t even play fair.

2008 Christmas Card

2008-12-16T16:57:00.000-08:00

Instead of mailing everybody an annual Christmas card detailing how plain and bland my 2008 was and boring them with tidbits of my uneventful life, I figured I could spice things up by letting the reader choose how this past year went for me in the same concept of those choose-your-own-adventure books we grew up reading in grade school.

Dear friends and family:

This past year has been absolutely amazing for me. January started off the year with me working with home construction loans for Zions Bank, but things started taking off.

To read about my adventures at the Super Bowl, go to item (a)

(a) After interning with the Baltimore Ravens in 2003, I ran into my former boss at the Ravens vs. Seahawks game (who has been working Super Bowls for the past 30 years), and asked if the NFL needed a PR intern for the upcoming Super Bowl between the underdog Giants and the undefeated Patriots. He agreed with my request, so I spent a week in Phoenix, Arizona. During the crazy week leading up to the biggest Super Bowl ever, I met Maria Menunous from the E! network on media day. Later that night we went clubbing with Tom Brady and Giselle and things got a little freaky. After the game, Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress (who scored the game-winning touchdown) and I went to a club and the vibe got a little weird with some crazed Patriots fans and, needless to say, things got a little Tupac whack, so I advised him to carry a gun when he goes clubbing for his own personal protection…

To read about what really happened in January, I actually got in a minor car accident and I had to drive a rental and pay my $500 deductible.

In February, things got a little back to normal; but I had to face my former ward in the annual churchball game. It was weird to play against my former teammates and friends, but I was glad that my team won on a last second shot after a controversial no-call push off at the buzzer. Sorry, Ben.

Or did this really happen during Valentine’s month?

(b) After my man crush Jazz superstar point guard Deron Williams got snubbed in the All-Star voting, I ran into him at the bowling alley on Feb 14th. He had told me that he was depressed about not making the All-Star weekend, and was trying to drink his depression away. As I always like to take advantage of a perfect situation, we ended up spooning on the couch watching old Jazz playoff games where John Stockton always deferred to Karl Malone in the clutch and the Jazz blew their chances to win it all. I told Deron to avoid giving the ball to Carlos Boozer in the playoffs and that he was THE MAN! But he didn’t listen to me as Carlos putrified in the playoffs this past spring. So much for drunk spooning, plus he never returned my calls…

In March, I took a trip out to Moab with my friend Nick and his MBA schoolmates where I remember how great it was to be at BYU.

Then March Madness came around and BYU men’s basketball (sorry ladies) once again made the tournament. For the first time in decades, they were favored to make it out of the first round against Texas A&M... to read what happened go to (c)

(c) ESPN.com has this predictor thingy online. I tried it out several times and each time BYU kept advancing to the Final Four. It felt like fate to me! BYU was finally going to shed their Danny Ainge glory days with new head coach Dave Rose and we were going deep! The game was in Los Angeles, so it was practically a home game for the Cougars. I stopped in Vegas on the way down and wagered my car on the game because it was a total lock. I got there, and BYU lost (as they always do in the first round of the tournament). Knowing that my Toyota now belonged to a Vegas bookie named Orlando, I bought an extra strength pair of white socks and sandals and walked the 415 miles back from Vegas to SLC. Needing a new pair of wheels, I invested in a pair of Heelys and found a new passion. With my commute from downtown to Draper everyday, I got really good and enrolled in the X-games and out Heely’d Tony Hawk in a skate off and received the moniker “the rollerskatin' Zoobie” and got to chill with Shaun White and others in Aspen: where the beer flows like wine!

April rolled around and Spring was in the air. My grandpa passed away that month so I attended his funeral down near Coachella, CA. It was a good funeral because he had a long battle with colon cancer, so I’ll keep it serious for April. My '90s cover band also had our first gig that month where tons of friends and family showed up.

In May, I joined a play. Yup, I played bass in the rhythm section for a '60s musical up in Centerville. It was actually pretty fun, and I got paid to do it, so it was pretty cool.

To read about the May that should have happened go to (d) or to read what really happened, go to (e)

(d) After the Utah Jazz defeated first-round virgin Tracy McGrady in the opening round, the rival Lakers were up next. After hurting his finger in the regular season, MVP Kobe Bryant went up for a dunk on Jazz reserve forward Paul Millsap, who was playing for the non-existent Carlos Boozer. Millsap rejected the dunk so hard that Kobe’s pinky finger actually broke off, leaving a bloody stump. Without Kobe, the Lakers were rudderless and the Jazz cruised to a victory.

(e) As always, the Jazz lost to the better opponent because in 20 years, Sloan has never outcoached anyone in the playoffs, but we have sure lost to several under-seeded teams.

June rolled around and the Utah Blaze of Arena Football made the playoffs again. Like the previous three playoffs, we couldn’t get past the first round. To read on, see (f)

(f) The full-time PR position with the Blaze opened. I didn’t get the job, but in this choose-your-own adventure story, it was a blessing. The Blaze just shut their doors this week for 2009 and may never open again. Whew! Dodged a career bullet there.

July was awesome. It’s always one of my favorite months. I went to St. George with some church friends where I witnessed “Les Miserables” for the first time. I was a little miserable after three hours of people singing their lines.

A quick shout out to my friend Alex and our wonderful trip in Las Vegas in July. While there we went to see my favorite comedian Jim Gaffigan with third row seats. Instead of going to the “Redeem Team” exhibition Olympic basketball game between USA vs. Canada we met two-time World Series Championship bracelet winner Johnny Chan.

(g) Chan, Alex and I made a quick bond and the three of us immediately entered the World Series of Poker Main Event. After four grueling days of bluffing, winning and chip bullying our way to the last 12 people; Alex and I went heads up for the last seat at the “November Nine” final table. I was badly beaten with aces full because she had quad sevens to make the final table, where she went heads up against Chan for the bracelet and beat him and his own game to become the first woman to win the Main Event!

In August, after my final gig with my '90s cover band, I moved in with my buddy Scott. I also went and saw my second favorite comedian, Brian Regan, as he came to do a show in American Fork. I attended the Twin Falls temple open house as I played bass for LDS artist Alex Boye in front of thousands of screaming 15-year olds in a rodeo in rural Idaho. No, I didn’t just make that up. It really happened. The bathroom there was nuts!

In September, our summer softball league team “Jim’s Orphans” wrapped up a third epic losing season once again. On the last game of the year, we faced our arch nemesis “The Slumpbusters” who had destroyed us in our two previous meetings. Our team captain Johnny asked me for a prediction before facing another humiliating blowout in front of our lady spectators. I gave him the Average Joe guarantee that we would win that game.

(h) we lost predictably like the Jazz and Cougars every year

or (i) we stormed back to win the final game of the season and celebrate with pizza and IBC rootbeer… you make the call.

(pssst, we won! It was an Average Joe guarantee.)

October: you tell me what really happened.

(j) BYU's undefeated season came to an end.

(k) I got a man perm.

(l) I taught a class about money management. Really? Me!

(m) I starred in a Halloween horror flick and got run over by a car.

(n) I worked at a haunted forest for a night.

(o) I played organized team handball for the first time.

(p) Deron Williams sprained his ankle and was out six weeks.

(q) a semi-off-and-on-complicated relationship finally ended after two years.

(r) I interviewed for a full-time job as the PR guy for the BYU Cougar basketball team.

(s) all of the above.

November rolled around and we all know what happened the night of November 22, but I did give a talk in church for the first time in eight years and rekindled a distant family relationship after eight years. Did I mention that Michael Phelps won eight golds in 2008?

December is here and what seemed like a super boring year actually ended up being more eventful than first thought. I’ve been on three different blind dates in the last eight days with a fourth on the way. Plus, my Ravens might actually make the playoffs with a rookie head coach and rookie quarterback (fingers crossed). What will happen in next year? I’ll let the readers vote for the following possible "9 possibilities for 2009":

(t) After three years at Zions Bank of Draper, I make a career change to something new and exciting downtown.

(u) I decided that I will study for the GMAT and get accepted into graduate school.

(v) I enter a World Series poker event on my 30th birthday and become another rags to riches bracelet winner.

(w) After toiling in bands for years, I find the golden lead singer and get working on an original album that starts the next Grunge revolution knocking off all the Nickleback garbage that is currently playing on rock stations.

(x) I bump into Britney Spears at the Grand America breakfast buffet in April and we hit it off and lo and behold the third time really is the charm. After we wed, we win full custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James from K-Fed and have three more kids of our own.

(y) One of my blind dates or someone new comes along and turns into something special and I end up with a 9/9/09 wedding.

(z) Or I’m still stuck at Z bank for the fourth straight year in this cubicle... kill me!

Courtside With The Jazz

2008-12-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

I had to work the day after Thanksgiving. Most people would dread working the day after the holiday, but I actually don’t mind it because nobody is in and there is usually nothing to do.

Out of the blue, I received a text from my awesome friend who invited me to sit courtside for the Utah Jazz vs. New Jersey Nets game on Saturday night!

Holy Radical! I’ve been to several Jazz games in the past. I have even sat in the Huntsman suite, but nothing could have prepared me to an entire game right next to the Jazz bench.

Plus we weren’t looking at the back of their heads. We were perpendicular to them so we could watch the bench the entire game! It’s almost like we were an extension of the bench. We could hear almost everything said from the coaches, players, refs, and opposing team.

It all started out with glorious parking right next to the Arena with the 100 Club. Then we were treated to a glorious pre-game meal with shrimp scampi, beef tenderloin and ice cream that we could bring down to our courtside seats!

Jon, Alex, Jen and I were practically jumping up and down in sheer joy as we approached our seats. Ok, ok. Jen and I were literally (not figuratively) jumping up and down in glee as we approached our seats.

We were able to scream stuff at the Nets like “Hey Sean Williams! Boston College called and they wanted their integrity back!” (he was busted for a lot of stuff in college). Or “Hey Rookie! Is it OK if I call you B-Lo? (Brooke Lopez shortened like Jennifer Lopez aka J-Lo).

I even learned the ref's name and was yelling fun stuff back at them. It’s amazing how the rich people sitting around us acted just as childish as I was.

The Jazz were down by almost twenty points to start the fourth quarter and I yelled out “Hey C.J. This is OUR house!” and he looked at me and he seriously looked disappointed that he was letting us down. Yeah, that’s right! He acknowledged me, but looked seriously concerned that he had personally let me down. The look on his face and the nod from him showed that he practically took it personally. He is now in my Top 5 of Jazz players.

But honestly, even though the Jazz ended up losing, it was an incredible experience. I was able to watch my favorite dunker of all-time (Vince Carter) and feel like I really was an extension of the team.

It’s practically motivated me to start a business so that if it were successful, I’d be able to afford to attend games like this all the time! (if anybody has any good ideas, just let me know…)

So here is a quick recap of all the Jazz games so that I can get caught up for the month of November:

November 17th - Jazz 109 Phoenix 97: I had nose-bleed tickets to this game but ended up attending a friend's wedding banquet. The Jazz were without Deron and Okur, but AK47, Brevin Knight, and (gasp!) Jarron Collins actually stepped up for this one. Shaq was held to one rebound and the Jazz blocked him three straight times in the 4th quarter for the win!

November 19th - Jazz 105 Milwaukee 94: Deron and Brevin Knight were both out, so Ronnie Price was the only point guard on the Jazz roster. He played a season-high 40 minutes while C.J. Miles (my new favorite Jazz player this month) scored a season-high 25 points to lead the Jazz to victory!

November 21st - Spurs 119 Jazz 94: No Boozer, Deron or Kyle Korver, but the Jazz actually played pretty well. The only problem: The Spurs shot the lights out! They made 15 of 25 three-pointers that led to a blowout.

November 22nd - Jazz 102 Memphis 94: No Boozer, no Deron, and no Korver. No problem. The Grizzlies are so young and bad, that the Jazz actually won the second game of a back-to-back on the road. But holy cow, Rudy Gay of the Grizzlies can dunk! Mehmet Okur had his best game of the season.

November 24th - Chicago Bulls 101 Jazz 100: No Boozer, no Deron, No Korver and no Harpring. The final 60 seconds of this game were insane with the Jazz and Bulls trading five buckets and no timeouts. Unfortunately, the Bulls missed their second to last shot, but the rebound bounced out to Bulls guard Larry Hughes who drained a difficult jumper as time expired to give the Bulls the win.

November 26th - Jazz 117 Memphis 100: Deron’s back! Deron finally came back from his ankle injury and dished out 15 assists in this blowout! Paul Millsap had a career night with 24 points and 16 rebounds while starting in place for Carlos Boozer, who has been out since bumping his knee in the Milwaukee game last week.

November 28th - Jazz 120 Sacramento 94: Another blowout thanks to the return of Deron Williams and a crappy opponent. The game was tied at the half, but the Jazz answered with 44 points in the 3rd quarter, including Williams bouncing a pass off the backboard alley-oop for a C.J. Miles dunk -- something John Stockton would have never done.

November 29th New Jersey Nets 105 Jazz 88: (revert back to beginning of article). Again a shout out to my friend Alex! One of the funnest nights of my life! It was nuts! And to make the night even better, we all went and played Gears of War 2 until 4 a.m.

New Pastry

2008-11-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

Pepperidge Farm announced the newest flavor in its pastry line this morning:

Utah 48 BYU 24: A Eulogy

2008-11-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

Eulogy:

It was a good season. 10 wins and only 2 losses to ranked teams on the road. As two-time champions, a third-place finish underachieved our quest for perfection. But there is hope for a brighter tomorrow.

The enemy grounds were not as hostile as I expected. Props to our Ute supporters who sat in front of us this season. They were actually some of the most cordial rival fans I ever met.

As a Coug, I shall be fully invested. Max, Harvey, Pitta, Collie, and Jorgensen return for another go around next year.

The Vegas Bowl is our new Holiday Bowl. The only positive from the game is that Boise State and the WAC didn't steal the MWC's money.

Max is a competitor. He'll use his poor performance as motivation for the next 363 days. When his career is over, he'll be remembered one of the Top 3 to 5 BYU quaterbacks ever.

And now, for a long winter... hopefully spring will come with BYU basketball finally winning a game in March Madness.

Maybe the Jazz will finally get healthy and do some damage in the playoffs. Deron's ankle injury really put a damper on this season.

Until next year, RIP Cougar season 2008.

Only 24 more hours

2008-11-21T17:11:00.000-08:00

Only 24 more hours left until the big game!

Here are some of my favorite Ute trash stuff. (see pics)

I hope for a big win from BYU tomorrow, but I expect the game to be in the 20's due to Utah's good defense and Utah's average offense.

My guess is BYU 28 Utah 26 with BYU getting another miracle win as BYU blocks a Louis Sakoda field goal to win the game. That would show that the UCLA bowl win from last year and the Washington close win this year was no fluke.

Plus, I don't want Brian Johnson to record one single win against the Cougars.

If BYU wins, I'll give up McDonald's food for a year.

Why I Hate the U

2008-11-20T12:52:00.000-08:00

I can't really begin to describe my disdain towards the University of Utah, its athletic programs, and especially its fans.

I grew up in the state of Washington, so I wasn't really exposed to this rivalry until my 20s.

I went to BYU my freshman year when I was 18 and living in the dorms. I remember that the U won the game in Provo that year, but I wasn't fully aware of the hated rivalry.

After my mission, I worked for the BYU sports information department and I started to learn more about BYU and its rivalry with the U. I remember listening to Lavell Edwards' final game as a coach as Brandon Doman led a miraculous comeback to beat the Utes at Rice-Eccles stadium in 2000.

Then I remember being in the press box for the 2001 game when an undefeated Cougar team scored on an option pitch to Luke Staley for the game winning touchdown to keep our undefeated hopes alive.

I think that game was the turning point of when I really started to understand the hatred between the two teams.

BYU lost the following four years to the Utes, including the infamous 3-0 defeat in 2003 at home, marking the first time the Cougars had been shutout since the 1970s. I was in Baltimore at the time, so I was thankful that I didn't witness that.

The following year I moved to Salt Lake only to witness all the bandwagon Ute fans jump on the undefeated 2004 season with Urban Meyer. I think Urban was key to get this rivalry really fueled up again. He only referred to BYU as "the school down south," and this really got things going for me.

Since Urban's departure as he used the school for a footstool to get the Florida job, Rice-Eccles stadium can be seen half-full as usual on Saturdays as the Ute fans crawled back into their duplexes for some hibernation as Klassless Kyle Whittingham brought them back down to respectable mediocrity.

But after the Michigan win to start off the season, Ute-mania was back. Although the yewts failed to fill the stadium against the likes of Weber State and Colorado State this year, they have had their highest attendance ever this season as they have filled up the stands for UNLV, Oregon State and TCU.

But what I am trying to say is being around all the Utah fans in 2004 with their program being at their peak and BYU being at its worst really helped intensify my hatred toward the school and its fans.

In 2005, I accepted a job at the University of Utah for a summer and I really grew to dislike their second-rate facilities and atmosphere. I won't lie. The campus is kind of dumpish.

It's funny. Utah owned basketball in this region under Rick Majerus and his crazy ways for nearly twenty years (including a national runner up finish to Kentucky in March Madness in 1998). So Utah was considered a basketball school.

Side note: My boss with the Baltimore Ravens was the roommate of Rick Majerus' back in Marquette in the 1970s. His wife always told the best stories on how much of a slob Rick Majerus is. Terrific basketball coach, but a polarizing individual. Caring, but crazy would be the best way to describe him as this Sports Illustrated article points out.

During Urban Meyer's two grandioso seasons there, all of a sudden it was a football school for its fans and its basketball program didn't even exist anymore. Interesting...

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that my hatred towards Utah and its fans is still in its budding stages and will only continue to grow as I live in SLC.

I guess if I were a lifetime Utah fan, and all of a sudden moved to Utah County, I would probably feel the same growth in angst towards my rival with the submersion into a different culture.

If it's this bad here with only 45 miles of distance between the schools, I cannot begin to imagine what Duke and North Carolina basketball fans feel towards each other with a much deeper tradition and only 7 miles of separation.

Speaking of Utah basketball, how about that season opening loss to Division II Southwest Baptist at the Huntsman Center?

Rivalry Week: Best Prank Ever

2008-11-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

It's rivalry week! Time for Cougs to make fun of Utes and Utes to come back with witty retorts. It's the only week of the year where Mormons really do hate other Mormons.

The "Holy War" is on! BYU vs. Utah. It's the biggest matchup ever! BYU is 10-1 while the hated Yewts are 11-0 and looking to bust the stupid BCS for the second time in the past five seasons.

BYU has won the past two games on some miraculous plays, thank you. But this year, more has been on the line than in any previous season in a century!

The following is a true story.

To get the week started off on the right foot, a few Cougar fans who work at Zions Bank decided to pull a sweet prank on one of the big wigs, who happens to be a big University of Utah fan.

They actually found and hired a window washer for the corporate building in downtown Salt Lake City. (notice the blue collar contractee is wearing a Utah hat received when he got his degree in commercial window washing from the U, plus he's a SELLOUT for accepting the bid.)

Then, they had him climb up the building.

The professional then applied big "Y" logo to the outside his office window

This way, he would be unable to rip the sign down.

Oh, the ingenuity!

Here is the official quote of the boss who was punked:

"We will hunt you down and kill you!"

Paying a guy to put up a "Y" sign on the outside of a building: about $150

Paying a guy to take down that same "Y" sign a week later: $150

Rubbin it in a Utes face: Worth every single penny

Game 10: The LeBrons 105 Utah Backups 93

2008-11-17T14:35:00.000-08:00

No Deron, no Memo, no AK47 and no Harpring = another Jazz road loss.

I will have to say, LeBron James has the ability to be the best player in NBA history by the time he retires. Yes, better than Wilt, better than Oscar Robertson, better than Kareem, Magic, Bird and Kobe. And yes... better than Michael Jordan. That's right, I said it!

LeBron is a freak of nature. He has the body of Karl Malone, the quickness of Michael Jordan, and the passing ability of Magic Johnson, all combined into one. With his body and talent, he makes plays that no other player can make: jumpers, 3-pointers, drives, dunks, steals, passes and even blocks. There isn't anything he can't do!

The only thing that could make Jordan better is the number of championships and his desire and competitiveness to win every single game. LeBron hasn't shown us that killer instinct that Jordan possessed that even drove him to his first "retirement" (remember when he played minor league baseball) because of his gambling problems.

Jordan wanted to win everything! But he taught us a lesson that nobody can beat the casinos, nobody! Not even his Airness. Kobe has that drive, but last years NBA Finals taught us that he is no Jordan.

LeBron can be the best ever, but only if he wants it.

Game 9: Bobkittys 104 Jazz 96

2008-11-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

No Deron, no Memo, no AK47 = Jazz loss. But really, the Charlotte Bobcats? Really?

Game 8: Washington DC 95 Utah 87 + DILEMMA

2008-11-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

Remember that Michael Jordan played for the Wizards? That was the only time I ever saw Jordan in person. His final game at the Delta Center. He scored only 11 points and the Jazz won by 40. But hey, I can tell my grandkids that I saw Jordan play.

So the Wizards were 0-5 before this game, but leave it up to the Jazz to blow this one on the road in the final 2 minutes. Nuff said about the Jazz on the road.

DILEMMA

Back in July, my friend Rhett had a great idea. We both knew that Utah and BYU had very good teams and very winnable schedules, and we decided after Beck-to-Harline in 2006, that we wanted to be at the next BYU vs. Utah football game.

He researched every angle to purchase tickets to the game. Single game tickets were expensive and not guaranteed. The BYU Cougar Club only got tickets for its biggest sponsors, and we don't have that kind of cash. Finally, he purchased 4 Utah season tickets in the north end zone at only $87 bucks for the entire season. We decided that the BYU game on November 22 was worth the money spent before the season ever started.

Well, Utah took care of business at Michigan in the season opener, and BYU looked really, really good until the TCU game. Right now tickets are going for the highly anticipated matchup on November 22 for an average of $250 dollars on craigslist.

I've been in this mental dilemma since the TCU game about whether it's worth it to just sell the tickets and triple my initial investment. After watching Utah defeat TCU, I'm convinced that if the two teams played right now, Utah has a 70% chance of winning. Before BYU lost to TCU, I would have said that BYU had the 70% chance of winning.

If BYU wins at Air Force next week, I'd say that Utah would only have about a 60% chance of winning the week of the BYU vs. Utah game.

Anyway, if I sell my tickets and BYU loses, I'd feel good 'cause I'd make some money. But the decision to buy the season tickets this summer was not about the money. It was about watching BYU win at Rice Eccles Stadium. If I sell the tickets and BYU wins, it will nullify the decision I made 5 months ago.

If I go the game and BYU loses, I'll have to sit there and watch Utah fans celebrate not only their favorite victory of the season (the one that usually redeems Kyle Whittingham and his typical mediocrity), but I'll get to watch Utah bust the BCS for their second time (2004 and 2008), where BYU will have fallen short of busting the BCS for the second time (2001 and 2008). I can't imagine being present to witness this nightmare.

But.................... If I go to the game and BYU wins and ruins the Utes chance to get into the BCS, I can stand there in my blue shirt and hold up my fingers to let them know who is No. 1 (I can't tell you which finger I might choose for this expression of glee)!

I don't think I am emotionally ready to handle a Cougar loss to the in-state rival, but if Max Hall and company to generate a win, I'm totally there, which was the plan the entire time.

I guess I may have to wait to make my decision to see what happens at Air Force. It's nerve racking to be a Cougar alumnus.

Game 7: Utah 93 Philadelphia 80 PLUS Forever Strong

2008-11-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

Deron Williams is back! My mancrush is back! With Mehmet Okur's father in intensive care back in Turkey, I believe Deron came back to the team a little earlier than he wanted to, but hey, we won!

Rookie Kosta Koufos (C) started for the Jazz in Okur's absence. I dunno how many white 7-footers who don't block shots the Jazz need to draft, but the 19-year old did okay in his first start. A little nervous and tentative at first, but he did okay.

Ronnie Brewer (SG) is just simply amazing. I'm so glad the Jazz did not draft another Duke washout in J.J. Redick or undeveloped Sene, the 7' 3'' shot blocker who isn't even in the league anymore. Brewer is improving and even hitting three-pointers now!

MOVIE REVIEW: FOREVER STRONG

Yesterday was Veteran's Day and I didn't have to work. So we went to the movies and decided to watch the movie "Forever Strong" about the Salt Lake City high school Highland High's rugby team.

I'd have to say it was a very good movie considering it was about a sport no American understands, rugby.

The main actor, Sean Faris, looks a lot like a young Tom Cruise. He was also in a recent teenage sports movie about mixed martial arts called "Never Back Down." Although that terrible movie had its moments, "Forever Strong" was much, much better. Not even in the same league.

The movie featured Gary Cole (Mr. Lumberg from "Office Space"), Sean Astin ("Rudy") and Penn Badgley from "Gossip Girl." Ladies, I think Penn Badgley should have been Edward Cullen in "Twilight" instead of British lame-o Robert Pattinson.

Even Chris Farley's girlfriend from "Tommy Boy" makes an appearance as the mom.

The only girl in the movie looked way too Mormon and had some funky blond mom hairdo that kept throwing me off. But this movie never really developed any relationships except for the important relationship between the main boy and his coach and the boy and his domineering father.

The movie was very well done for a local story and a local budget. It is one that you should definitely see on a date, or just to see a sports movie or take the family to it.

The Highland High rugby team has had such starts as current BYU running back Fui Vakapuna, and current Baltimore Ravens star defensive lineman Haloti Ngata, who is on the verge of making his first Pro Bowl as the Ravens are on a four-game winning streak.

Game 6: New York 107 Utah 99

2008-11-11T16:17:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the first loss of the year, so I should rip this team apart. I won't. Although the Knicks aren't very good, they have a lot of perimeter scorers, which is ideal for their new system under head coach Mike D'Antoni.

New York SG Jamal Crawford got hot and stayed that way the entire game. The Jazz held the lead most of the game, but lost it toward the end of the third quarter and could not get it back in the fourth.

AK47 continues to play great in his new role as a 6th man coming off the bench as soon as C.J. Miles picks up two quick fouls because he is not capable of playing defense.

But the one guy that stands out to me is SG Ronnie Brewer. He just keeps getting better and better. He can score, slash, play a little defense and shoot from the perimeter. He has been the most pleasant surprise of the beginning of the season so far. He's just plain awesome and the Jazz need him to stay for a really, really long time.

So the Jazz are 5-1 without Deron Williams, I can accept that. I'm grateful for such a good start without their best player.

Mehmet Okur left the team after this game to attend to a family illness back in Turkey. My guess is it's either his grandparents or one of his parents. With him out, my mancrush PG Deron Williams will return from his ankle sprain a little early. I just hope he doesn't get hurt.

Also, first-round draft choise Kosta Koufos will be starting with Okur being gone. It'll be a little weird, but a great chance to see how good he does. Boozer will need to lead this team against the 76ers on Tuesday night.

Game 5: Utah 104, Former Sonics 97

2008-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

In this game, which was decided in the first quarter, Jerry Sloan notched his 1,000th win with the Utah Jazz over 21 seasons. Since Sloan joined the Jazz, no other team in the entire league besides the Spurs, have had a better record. Congrats.

Now, I've been known to criticize coach Jerry Sloan before. I personally believe a lot of coaches could have done what he has done. Look at the facts:

1) He had Stockton and Malone, the two best at their position during his tenure with the Jazz. They are the two most consistent players in NBA history! Plus, since Stockton and Malone retired, he has a super GM in Kevin O'Conner (although he is a bigtime jerk) who delivered him Boozer, Okur and Deron Wiliams.

2) So to win 60% of your games by having Stockton and Malone, then Boozer and Williams doesn't show me much. I think any average coach could have done that. Plus the fact that the Jazz have ZERO titles to show for having the two best players at their respective positions since 1988 means that he could have celebrated his 1,000th victory.

3) But did he? No! Immediately after the final buzzer, he ran into the locker room and wouldn't even do his local media the courtesy of an interview. Instead we had to listen to Kyle Korver talk about his only dunk of the year, yippee! Some people think that it's awesome that Sloan is so "humble," but I just think he is a old cantankerous sourpuss.

Dear Jerry:

Please retire soon so that Williams and Boozer can win us a title, and you won't be the one holding them back. Because you've never won a playoff series as the lower seed, even if you had the better players. But shucks, you've lost plenty of playoff series where we had the higher seed, and always blamed the players lack of effort. How about your lack of mental effort to always be outcoached by a less talented team?

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Jazz fan with an ultimatum.

A Note From the Editor: The Haka Is Stupid

2008-11-06T23:33:00.000-08:00

Hello. This is Jon, the editor of Average Joe's Sports Blog. For those of you that don't know me, I upload Joe's posts, put pictures in and correct any misspellings i happen to come across.

If you don't mind, I'd like to voice a sports opinion that has been bugging me lately and this is a better venue for it than my own blog.

You know the "haka," that "intense" dance that some BYU players perform for the east stands before home games? Well, It's stupid. I know that may potentially be offensive, but it's true. Trust me on this. It sucks and I think it's a silly deterrent to BYU football.

I may be culturally insensitive, but I'm not culturally ignorant. I served my mission in beautiful Auckland, New Zealand and I'm very much aware of the haka. That's probably the biggest reason I hate it actually. I've seen the haka performed 4 1/2 jillion times. The first jillion times was, honestly, pretty cool. Now, after being home for like five years or so I'm sick of dealing with it here as well. It was cool when I first saw it, but it's played out now. And when I say "now" I mean the last two centuries.

Also, the haka they perform is the Maori haka. I haven't bothered to do the research, but I'm pretty sure the percentage of Maori or New Zealand players on the BYU football team is less than 2% (and I think I'm being plenty generous there). What are these guys doing performing someone else's war dance. We have plenty of other Polynesians on the team. Why not do a Samoan war dance? Doesn't that make sense? Wouldn't that stir up more legitimate emotion? Perhaps if it was a rugby match the use of the haka would be slightly more justified, but we play football in Lavell Edwards Stadium.

But here's the biggest reason why the haka should be stopped. It's not, and never has been, for the entertainment of the home crowd. The haka is a war dance. It's meant to be directed at the enemy. The BYU players who participate in the haka need to be facing the opposition when they perform it. Why would our players be attempting to intimidate the fans?

Check out this picture of the New Zealand All-Blacks. Notice that they're facing the rugby team they're playing. In this case it's the hand-holding nation of South Africa. They're performing the haka just like the Maoris used to -- just before battle and facing their foes. Of course that's also when the British open-fired on them. See, that's another reason not to do it.

The haka doesn't work. It doesn't do anything. And I think we can all see why.

Game 4: Utah 103 Portland 96

2008-11-06T21:19:00.000-08:00

So, my car wouldn't start (dead battery) and I couldn't teach my usual Wednesday night financial class. I decided to watch the Portland game live (instead of the usual TiVo'd recap).

The pre-game introductions still bug me, but hey if Chicago won six titles with those, maybe the Jazz can get just one, so that I can remain a Jazz fan for the rest of my life.

Portland was on fire in the first half. They couldn't miss a three pointer in the first half, and led at the half by four points. AK47 still impresses me off the bench. Kirilenko plus Paul Millsap just wreaked havoc as a second unit.

The Jazz finally started to get in gear in the second half. Mehmet Okur was money all night long and finished with 22 points. I'll take a 4-0 start without Deron Williams all day, no matter who we play. I think he can help this team immensely with the offense upon his return. I have been impressed with the Jazz defense through the first four games.

Side note: I went to the TCU vs. Utah game Thursday night. The entire stadium wore black and the effect worked. Utah saved its best for last -- similar to the Oregon State game. Some of the meanest, crudest, b-tchiest girls I have ever witnessed sat in front of us during the first half. It was a train wreck. I couldn't keep my eyes off their behavior and tried to figure out why they thought they could act like that. If they would have messed with us, I might have dropped a few choice words, but I am glad it didn't come to that.

The upcoming game on November 22 looms with even greater purpose. I may be willing to sell my ticket to the highest bidder...

Game 3: Jazz 89 L.A. Clippers 73

2008-11-05T15:28:00.000-08:00

THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT for all you ladies out there who love Kyle Korver. If you go to the game on Friday night against the Thunder and bring in a new coat to donate to charity, you and a guest will get a voucher for an autograph session after the game with Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer Kyler Korver. Maybe he'll even sign like Happy Gilmore...

Since the game was in Los Angeles, there were no pregame introductions to rant about.

1st Quarter: The Jazz looked a little lethargic. Boozer played well, but C.J. Miles and Kyle Korver cannot guard anybody.

2nd Quarter: Andrei Kirilenko coming off the bench is just awesome. He gets rebounds, scores, passes and plays incredible defense. It's nice to have him back and in a role he can excel at. It's not even awkward if he takes a long jumper anymore with his new role.

3rd Quarter: Somehow the Jazz cannot seem to break this game open like they did on Saturday night in Salt Lake.

4th Quarter: The game is close, then Paul Millsap takes over. He scores 15 straight points, capping it off with an in-your-face-dunk over 7-foot center Chris "Caveman" Kaman. He played so well that Carlos Boozer didn't even have to come back into the game and got some rest for the upcoming Blazers game.

I still mean it that this is the year for the Jazz to win the title, or else I pick a new team to follow. It's like trying to date a girl who won't commit to a all-out relationship, but she likes to keep you close and gets stupidly jealous even when you're not boyfriend & girlfriend. The Jazz have just been teasing me all these years, and unless they commit to my fanhood desires for a championship, it's time to find someone who will.

Boozer, Korver, Okur and Millsap are up for a new contract. Not to mention that Sloan may just retire after this year. I'm getting the feeling that it's coming very soon for him.

Now is the time to take advantage of it! Hopefully Kobe's decision to not get surgury on his pinky will come back to haunt him so the Jazz can win the West, then take care of business in the Finals. We need homecourt advantage throughout the playoffs for this to happen, so 3-0 without Deron Williams is a good start. Thanks lowly Clippers!

Game 2: Utah 101 L.A. Clippers 79

2008-11-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

I missed most of this game because I was working. But I was able to watch it on TiVo.

Pre-tip: I still can't believe that the Jazz spent 2 million dollars for the introduction of the starters, then copied the 1990 Chicago Bulls. Way to be original.

1st Quarter: Ronnie Price looked good running the point. Clippers forward Tim Thomas is the biggest waste of 6' 10'' and basketball talent ever. He plays the power forward because of his height, but he plays like a shooting guard. He doesn't rebound and can't play a lick of defense.

2nd Quarter: Andrei Kirilenko will win the 6th man of the year award since All-Star Manu Ginobili of the Spurs is missing the first two months of the season. AK47 was the difference in the game: rebounds, passing, scoring and defense. He does it all!

3rd Quarter: The Jazz blew this game open late in the third, but I missed how because my TiVo wouldn't work.

4th Quarter: Garbage time. It was interesting to see the trade the Jazz made in the offseason, where we gave up PG Jason Hart to get PG Brevin Knight from the Clippers and the Jazz saved money. These two battled a bit in the 4th quarter and Brevin is clearly the better player, and better for the Jazz. Jazz color commentator Ron Boone, who should be stripped of his media credential for being a moron, keeps calling him Brever, rhymes with Trevor, Knight. He is by far the dumbest color commentator I have ever witnessed, and there are some pretty lame ones out there.

In all, the Jazz move to 2-0 against a Carmelo-less Nuggets team, and a Baron Davis-less Clippers team. Granted, the Jazz are missing their best player in my man crush Deron Williams. The Clippers are so bad that head coach Jerry Sloan missed the game due to the flu.

Side note: BYU barely beat Colorado State 45-42 in dramatic fashion in Fort Collins. Utah barely beat New Mexico 13-10 in Albuquerque. Texas Tech upset No. 1 Texas is an amazing finish. And Real Salt Lake won their first ever playoff game 1-0 with a goal scored in the final minute. All exciting stuff! Go state of Utah.

GAME 1: Utah 98 Denver 94

2008-10-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

I decided that since this will be my last season following sports (the NBA especially) I would try to watch every Jazz game and write my own synopsis after each game. We'll start with the season opener Wednesday night.

Pregame: The Jazz decided to go lights out for the pre-game introductions for the first time ever. They even spent two million dollars upgrading their sound and light system to do so. It only took them 28 years to do this. The Utah Blaze, who pay Larry H. Miller to use his building, have been doing it since their innagural game back in 2006.

But before the lights went out, let's hear the national anthem sung by platinum selling recording country artist Collin Ray. Wow, if this guy can make millions with his vocal talents, I need to get into country music after this season. His voice was marginally above average at best. I've heard better at Karaoke night minus the country twang. Arghhh, I have a firm belief that country music will be on a continuous loop down in hell.

So, the lights go out and the music starts blaring pump up music. Everything's fine except for one thing: THE UTAH JAZZ STOLE MICHAEL JORDAN'S MUSIC FROM THE CHICAGO BULLS DYNASTY! What the hell! How unoriginal is that! Hey let's copy the Bulls. The team who kicked our butts for two years in the Finals. What a great idea! If I were a member of the marketing committee of the team, and I were in that planning meeting, as a Jazz fan, I would fight this with all my soul even if it cost me my job. I know that the Jazz always play music that is ten years behind the times, but to be this unoriginal to borrow the dynasty music from the 1990s Chicago Bulls is just infuriating! Maybe I should just quit my fanhood right now!

(steam coming out of my ears)...........................................

Ok. Now that I've calmed down to the point where my fingers stopped shaking, I can type again.

Game Summary: Jazz were without my mancrush Deron Williams. Nuggets were without notorious wannabe homegrown Baltimore "gangsta" Carmelo Anthony who was suspended for a DUI arrest in the summer. UVSC (yes, Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah) graduate Ronnie Price started at the point guard.

The game went back and forth for pretty much the first half. Ronnie Brewer looks even better this year because he actually knocked down a few jumpers in this game. Andrei Kirilenko (AK47) played really well as the Jazz new sixth man off the bench. I like him in this role, especially because it looks like new starter C.J. Miles can't help himself from getting into foul trouble. KORVER ALERT: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer Kyle Korver got a haircut! I wonder which Utah bombshell talked him into that.

Carlos Boozer dominated the game on the inside. He finished with his usual double-double with 25 points and 14 rebounds. I expect a good year out of him. He can opt out for more money this year, so he'll play well. Also, his family now lives with him in Utah.

If you wanna see a very inspirational story, check this link to Carlos Boozer and his wife CeCe battle their baby boy's sickel cell disease. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=boozers&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab6pos1 What amazing faith and determination!

Only 81 more games to my fanhood funeral. See ya next time.

Williams vs. Stockton: Joe's NBA Preview

2008-10-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

This post has been sponsored by our new sponsor in Canada.

Ok. Since the BYU loss to TCU, I've really started to question my fanhood in sports altogether. What's the point?!?!?! It's just a bunch of millionaires or college "gods" playing a game. My life should mean more than this...

I also recently applied to be the PR person for the BYU football team, but finally received my rejection letter in the mail yesterday. A nice little wake up call that sports get plenty out of you, but give little in return.

To really hit the point home, I recently received a message on MySpace from a dude back in high school who found me online to see how the last 10 years went. He told me that I came up in a conversation he had with another high school buddy, and wondered if I had made it big in the music industry. Arghhh... So I decided that since BYU is cooked after their really scary win against UNLV last weekend (yes, I ate another Bratwurst in a maple bar!), that if the Jazz don't win it all this year, music will become my passion once again, whether I like it or not.

I'll even have to change my blog to www.averagejoesmusic.com, because I have no future in the entertainment business in sports or acting after our 2008 Halloween movie.

So that's my NBA preview. I don't really care who wins or what happens. The Jazz are the deepest they have ever been since I started caring about sports in 1990. I don't care about the Lakers or Celtics or even Chris Paul or Greg Oden. All I care about is if Jerry Sloan will finally win a playoff series as a lower seed. It hasn't happen after 1,000 career wins or 20 seasons (and you can't count the Houston series the last two years because we were the division champs). Maybe Utah will have to have home court advantage throughout the playoffs (oh yeah, that already happened in 1998 when we lost to Jordan).

If anybody knew me in high school in the state of Washington, I was the biggest John Stockton and Jazz fan outside the state of Utah. I lived and breathed the Utah Jazz as much as I could. Back before the internet, I would call a local sports line every night the Jazz played as I crawled into bed to find out the scores, and then I would note them in my Jazz season schedule I had to get from my brother-in-law in Utah. I noted every single game.

So anyway, I wanted to be the next John Stockton so bad (as you read in my regret column a few weeks ago), and I had over 50 basketball cards of him. I even went to Niketown in Portland, Oregon and requested to find out which shoes he wore (Nike Force) so I could get myself a pair.

But my newest man-crush is Deron Williams. I will have to put myself on trial for high treason for me to say that I may like Deron Williams better than my childhood hero of John Stockton, but I just might do that. I know this is blasphemous, but here are some of my reasons:

1) Deron dunks: I know Stockton never did in a game, and he is the all-time assists and steals leader who nobody will catch before World War III, but I always wished he would throw down on a fast break, just once. Deron's dunk on 7-foot shot blocker Tyson Chander last season was surreal!

2) Deron is clutch: I know Stockton was clutch with his 3-pointer over Charles Barkley that put the Jazz in the NBA Finals back in 1997, but Stockton almost always referred to Karl Malone in the clutch moments, which is one of the reasons why the Jazz choked during his 18-seasons. The few times he took the game over, they won. Deron is more inclined to take over the game, and will be selfish when he needs to be. Stockton was too pure of a point guard in the Bob Cousy mold to do that.

3) Deron's beard: I know that Stockton had the hairy chest and the short shorts that even got a mention from Jennifer Aniston from Friends when Friends was at their ultimate peak, which nobody can take from him, BUT Deron's new beard is freakin' awesome! It lets the team know that he's in charge, even though he's only 24.

4) Deron actually likes Utah: Stockton always shied away from public appearances, and lived in Spokane, WA next door to his dad during the offseason. He never did commercials, and the second he retired, he jettisoned from town almost never to be seen again. Deron lives in Utah during the offseason. He does public appearances and charity golf courses. He smiles and signs autographs when kids show up. You'd never, EVER get that out of Stockton, EVER!

5) Deron speaks to the media: Stockton never liked the media, and that was it. His retirement announcement was super awkward the day as he was cleaning out his locker. Deron does a weekly radio broadcast, even if it is with that mega tool David Locke on 1320 KFAN. Even Deron knows he's an absolute tool, and you can tell he has a hard time putting up with him each Wednesday at 5 p.m., but he likes being on the radio and gives decent movie reviews, too.

That's all I have for now. I know that Stockton has 20 years of professionalism and stats to prove that he is the better point guard... for now. I just think that the Jazz may go further under 10 years of Deron than the 20 years that we got with Stockton. Although we never missed the playoffs with Stockton as the starter, we haven't yet with Deron as the starting point guard either. This years team is very deep on paper, and if that translates into an NBA Championship this season, then I'll take that over the assists and steals record, PERIOD. Plus, this argument will be settled once and for all.

My First Handball Experience

2008-10-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

Many of you may not know, but I recently applied to be the Public Relations Manager for USA Team Handball. No, not the handball where a pair of old sweaty dudes use their hands to slap a raquetball against the wall. But team handball is an official Olympic sport. It was the last gold medal given in Beijing to France, who beat the underdog Iceland team in the Final match of the Olympics before Closing Ceremonies.

Needless to say, I didn't get this part-time job due to my conflict of working at the bank 40 hours a week. But my interviewer, Steve Pastorino (former general manager of Real Salt Lake), hired me as a freelance writer for the official website. Apparently, the United States is now committed to getting a team in the Olympics in London 2012. We haven't qualified since 1996, when we were the host country in Atlanta.

It's a pretty cool sports, although many Americans don't even know what it is. I'll admit, I had no idea what Handball was when I applied for the job, but since the headquarters had been moved to Salt Lake City only a few months ago, I figured it could be a way of getting involved in something pretty epic from the ground level.

After writing a few articles and learning more about the sport, I figured it would be fun to actually play it, then blog what it was all about. That led me to a normal Tuesday evening headed to the Taylorsville Rec Center.

I arrived and found a bunch of teenagers doing warm ups with two indoor soccer nets set up on each end of the basketball courts. I figured I found the right place but I wasn't sure.

I went over an introduced myself to the man in charge, Amir (originally from Bosnia). I recognized his face from the team website and my initial interview at the team office. He told me to go and warm up on the sidelines as he was starting to get the drills going.

I went and streched (something I normally don't do when I play basketball and dunkball with the guys) and then a nice gentleman named Fong (originally from Vietnam) introduced himself and started teaching me the basic techniques one-on-one.

In handball, you always throw with the ball high behind your head as if you are throwing a javelin. Chest passes are rare, and you can never be lazy with your passes.

Also, you can take three steps once you catch a pass or pick up your dribble, so 15 years of basketball training is out the window because you feel like you are always traveling.

The ball is slightly bigger than a mini-basketball and is not super leathery like a basketball, but heavy enough that you can get some velocity on your throws. You need to throw the ball hard if you're going to get it past the goalkeeper.

After warming up with Fong for about 20 minutes of throwing, catching and jumping, I realized how out of shape I was. I had to take a water break to run to the bathroom where I felt I was going to hurl. And I hadn't even played a game yet!

It felt like my chest would explode, but after about 10 minutes of heavy breathing the nausea wore off. and I was able to return to the drills. It reminded me a lot like the first week of basketball practice back in my sad glory days of high school that I blogged about last week.

We then started to play the game. It felt a little chaotic at first because I wasn't aware of the rules. There is a 6-meter line around the goal where neither the defense nor offense can enter into this "neutral zone".

Playing defense was pretty basic. It's like basketball where you have to get between your man and the goal, but you are allowed to be a lot more physical than basketball, so it was like the physical ugly-style of Knicks basketball that Pat Riley introduced in the 1990's.

Playing offense felt a lot like the Air Force basketball team, where you pass the ball around a "three-point line" (aka the 6-meter line) and take shots on goal once you feel you get an opening between the defense and the goalie.

It's very fast paced, like soccer or Ultimate Frisbee, even though Ultimate is not a sport. I didn't score any goals, but I did clank the ball off the goal posts twice. One poor kid took a ball right in the face from a much bigger player. Wrong place, wrong time. Just part of the game.

Afterwards I ran into an old colleague at BYU who coaches the goalkeepers on the men's team, and he was also there for the first time. I also met a BYU student who just started up the handball club on Provo campus to help find athletes for the U.S. National tryouts coming in a few months.

The team is looking for exciting new athletes, most likely not me. I would guess the ideal potential Olympic player would be a running back/pitcher/volleyball or just Lebron James himself. You'll also need your speed guys on the wings to be your offensive specialists, and a point guard type player who can score and set up his/her teammates. Not to mention a few bigger guys in the trenches and an experienced indoor soccer goalie.

Would I play handball again? Absolutely! It was the best workout I have had in a long time, and it used muscles that have atrophied over the years at my cubicle. My arms, shoulders, back and legs ache. I just sneezed at my desk and it hurt my entire torso.

I was so ninja-pumped about my experience I immediately went home and watched some highlight's on NBC's website and started spreading the word to my friends. But overall it's still not as fun as Dunkball, Kristi.

TCU 32 BYU 7: Recovering...

2008-10-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

So, I purposely didn't write a blog entry after the BYU vs. TCU debacle last Thursday night. I was too down in the dumps. My whole year went out the tube. My BCS dreams were smashed. November 22 suddenly didn't mean as much to me. It took a few days to console the pain. But since my unrealistic expecations of the Cougars were brought back down to earth, I can remember that BYU fans, like myself, think that our team is a lot better than it really is.

I don't have a good segue for my next few lines, but I just thought I would put out some random thoughts:

a) BYU got totally outplayed from the opening kickoff. It was such a shocker that we turned it off at the start of the 4th quarter. I can't believe that the senior-laden offensive line would allow that much pressure, and I can't believe how poorly Max Hall handled the pressure.

b) I was surprised that BYU dropped no lower that 20 in the AP and Coach's poll, but it also helped that several teams behind BYU also lost.

c) I went to the Colorado State vs. Utah game on Saturday with a friend who invited me to a tailgate thing for her work with super delicious food. I was a little unnerved that Utah fans (including the "loyal" Muss student section) decided not to show up for the game. There were empty seats everywhere.

If I were a Ute fan and BYU just lost, meaning I was the frontrunner for the BCS Bowl game, then I would totally turn out to support my team on such a beautiful day of football weather, even if it was to trounce Colorado State.

d) If things couldn't get any worse over the weekend, Utah Jazz PG Deron Williams sprained his ankle over the weekend and will miss the first few games of the Jazz season.

e) Our 2008 Halloween movie is done filming. Hopefully we can get it edited before Monday.

f) San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Nolan was fired last night. I was really bummed to hear about that because he is a great man. I knew him when he coached the defense of the Baltimore Ravens in 2003. His wife brought in excellent chocolate chip cookies every Tuesday. Good luck, Mike. I know you'll find a new coaching job.

g) I finally watched Joe Thiesman's leg snap in half on Sports Center last night. I dunno if any of you remember this from the '80s, but he was the quarterback of the Redskins who got tackled funny, and his shin snapped in two like a twig. I missed it growing up, but it's probably the most famous sports injury of all-time. It was supremely grosteque, but I couldn't help but to rewind it a few times just to witness it first hand. Arghhhhhhh! OUCH! I'm sure there is a clip on Youtube, but it doesn't do it as much justice as a big screen TV.

BYU 21 New Mexico 3 + Man Food Reviews (+ Video and Picture)

2008-10-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

October 11, 2008:

How to start out a Saturday morning.... woke up around 11. Friday night was a super late night because we were filming Jon's Halloween movie '08 until 2:30 in the morning. P.S. It may be better than Massacre on West Capitol '05. More stunts! More Action! More to come later...

I realized that I left my ticket to the game at work, so I had to go to my office on a Saturday. First time I've done that in 2 1/2 years working at Zions Bank. It felt really weird going into a closed bank (except for the Drive thru) and searching through my cubicle. It's probably as close to a bank heist as I'll ever experience. No van. No machine guns. Sorry to disappoint.

I had dreaded the game all weekend because it was supposed to be cold, rainy, and snowy all at the same time. I can take the cold, but I CANNOT stand being cold and WET. It's the worst combination ever.

But speaking of combinations... This was my reason for attending the game. Yes it was cold. Luckily, it didn't rain on us. (I even had my emergency poncho ready with the 5 layers of clothes I wore over my thermals). It was time to taste test the Brat-tail.

What is a Brat Tail? Bratwurst in a maple bar! The maple bars are called Cougar Tails on BYU campus. Here is video footage of the taste test. Thanks to Zack, Nick, Jon and Scott for trying them out. Scott was missed in the video because he cannot leave his seat 1 minute before the half to beat the lines due to his fan credo...

Overall impression: Excellent. It's like a McGriddle without the egg and cheese. BTW, I would have happily put some melted cheese on it, maybe even nacho! I thought it was a tiny bit dry so I would pour some more maple on it and eat it with a knife and fork. I plan on eating a Brat-Tail at the final two home games.

Anyway, BYU won a bore-fest, 21-3, over New Mexico. They had problems on third downs. BYU didn't convert enough, and New Mexico converted way too many, but we won without dropping in the polls.

I also found a few other Man Food joints over the past week. Here are some quick reviews...

The Philadelphian (9800 S 700 E in Sandy): Amazing, amazing food. I don't even like Philly Cheese Steaks, but there were monstrous. Plus the fries, onion rings, and fried mushrooms are made and deep fried fresh. The cleanliness of the restaurant was about a zero on a scale of 1-10, but that's what man food is all about.

The Wing Coup (4100 S and Redwood): It's like Wingers on crack! Over 20 different wing sauces to choose from with tons of dipping sauces and sides. It's a little slow, but the food is fresh and made to order. I would recommend getting a take out order and picking it up before a Super Bowl party or something. There are some sauces that aren't so great, but I'll keep going back for more until I find the perfect Average Joe Flavor.

Charlie Chow's (4th South and 3rd East Downtown): Ask for the grill. It's basically Mongolian BBQ and you can pick all the stuff out yourself. It's only about 9 bucks and it's all you can eat. So after you've tried orange beef with noodles, go back for lemon chicken with rice, or add many water chestnuts as your bowl will hold. Toss on a fried egg for protein. Excellent grub.

Please submit any ideas for other locations I can check out for Man Food. No more sissy chick places were you pay 20 bucks for ambiance and tiny portions. The greasier and dive-ier, the better.

Next week: No. 8 BYU at No. 24 TCU, Thursday night 6 p.m. on VS. BYU hasn't beaten one ranked team on the road in 10 years... Guess who, the last time they played TCU in Texas.

How Did I Get Involved With Sports?

2008-10-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to the Weezer concert just a few blocks from my current residence. I have to admit, I wasn't that excited to pay 50 bucks to see them. I haven't seen Weezer since their "Pinkerton" tour with No Doubt in 1996. Weezer is one of my all-time favorite bands from my high school days.

The concert got off to an awkward start thanks to the opener Angels & Airwaves, featuring Tom DeLonge of Blink 182. Tom is trying to be more serious after his "punk" boy band Blink 182. I can respect his over-the-top theatrics. One can sense his seriousness in the project and not help but take note that he has matured beyond the glory days of all the high school girls his band swooned of my kid sister's generation.

"Epic" rock is so hot right now in the music world, anyway. Many bands like Angels & Airwaves, My Chemical Romance, Dream Theater and Muse are going for the epic feel of U2's "Rattle and Hum" or Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon." But with Tom's gaping-hole-sized-lack of vocal talent, I'd have to call his new project "Shepic Rock" as in sh-tty epic rock.

Weezer came on stage dressed in cool white jump suits and opened with the first track "My Name is Jonas" off their first self-titled Blue record. They played almost all of their hit singles from their six albums and stayed on stage for over 120 minutes. They tried to promote some of their new songs from their new Red self-title album, and all the members of the band (including the drummer) even took turns singing the lead vocals of their own songs that nobody recognized. During these songs, we all clapped at their efforts like the way the Beatles treated Ringo.

Overall, I'm very glad I attended. It seems that Weezer, and especially Rivers Cuomo, have reached the appreciative stage of their careers where they realize they truly do have a boatload of fans who appreciate them for who they truly are: Nerd Rock. Weezer fans have always been very loyal, and their hit singles have always delivered great pop hooks to attract music lovers from all genres.

While I was there, I realized that going to a Weezer concert fits me and my personality a lot more than following the NFL draft.

Which led me to ask myself, "How did I ever get so enveloped in sports in the first place?"

Growing up in Idaho Falls, Idaho, sports were never a part of my life. My life consisted of piano lessons and Legos. I could play Mozart, Bach, Beethoven by the age of 10; but couldn't have begun to tell you how to play football because there are so many complicated rules, unlike soccer where you just ran around at recess and kicked the ball.

It all started in 5th grade in Mr. Butts' class after my family moved to Kennewick, Washington. Unfortunately his first name was Dave and not something more funny as in Harry or Seymour. He had some basic elementary books about the NFL. I would read those during reading time and discovered Barry Sanders, Joe Montana and Jerry Rice.

That led to Ken Griffey Jr., Upperdeck baseball cards and playing hoop at the local neighborhood park.

I never played Little League baseball or youth soccer growing up. Finally in 6th grade, my mom signed me up for Pee Wee football and I think I weighed about 80-100 pounds at the time. I had never played football before, and was one of the last players off the bench. Our team went undefeated until the championship game, which we lost.

I hated my first experience with football. Sure, we won, but it stunk -- hard. My teammates and even my coaches were very mean, and they would purposely throw the ball as hard as they could at me after practice because I was such a wimp. They pretended like it was extra practice to help me catch the ball better, but I knew they were mocking me.

For some stupid reason, I signed up to play in 7th and 8th grade, but I never started. I was always too small, too skinny, too slow and too unskilled. At that time, I attended a summer basketball camp by the Seattle Supersonics with the "X-man," Xavier McDaniel. I thought I was much better at basketball than football because I scored two layups in my first game.

I was still involved in orchestra and jazz band, but sports moved moved way ahead of music and video games on my interest list.

All through high school, all I ever wanted to do was make the varsity basketball team. Former Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton became my new idol as the-skinny-white-guy-who-could from Spokane, WA. I've met several male peers from Utah with the same childhood hero and dreams.

I got cut from the freshman team and the sophomore team. I remember crying after seeing my name on the list of cuts that sophomore year. That one hurt. I knew that I had no shot of making the varsity team after that.

Out of nowhere during my junior year, my family decided to move 25 miles outside of town to the tiny town of Benton City, WA that boasted not a single street light. My graduating class only had 75 students, so there weren't as many jocks to compete with as my previous high school.

That year, I didn't make the varsity but I did make the junior varsity team in both basketball and football. There was hope for my senior year, but I knew the coach had his favorites and I wasn't one of them.

My senior year came and there was a new football and new basketball coach. I missed the summer camps because I was in Utah that summer working for my brother-in-law's business in his hot garage. When I got back just in time for school to start, the new coaches had no idea who I was, and I was out of shape from not playing all summer.

I got off to a bad start and found myself on the bench. Our team was terribly horrific. We lost every single game... by a lot! We lost our homecoming game 63-0. Each game, I had my opportunities off the bench to come in and play and I thought I did ok. A couple of guys ahead of me got hurt or quit the team, so I knew I was due because of what I believed were strong performances off the bench. But every Monday at practice where I had an opportunity to become the starting cornerback, the coach would bring in someone else from a different position, thus not taking a chance on me to start.

The football coach even asked me to play junior varsity for a chance to play more, but I had too much pride in being a senior so I declined. I played a lot in our final game, and our dimwitted coach gave me the pat on the back I had been begging for, but it was too little, too late. I wanted to quit football that year to focus on basketball, but the defensive coordinator was also the basketball coach, so I couldn't let him see me as a quitter.

Basketball tryouts came, and I gave it my all. After a week of sweaty drills, the moment came when the coach announced the team. As each name was read off, I saw my friends and peers walk over next to the coach to form the varsity team that he had selected. My name was not called.

In disbelief, I stood with the rest of the castoffs as they started to form the junior varsity team. I was about ready to walk into the locker room to change and go home, because I wasn't sure if a senior could even play on the JV. As I turned around, I heard my friends and coaches yell "Evans!" as I really was on the team, but they had forgotten to call my name.

Glorious! Pure rapture! I had met my goal since 7th grade. I had made varsity basketball! As I was the last name called, that meant I was the last man on the team. Each practice, I had to fight to earn the respect of the coaches. I had always envisioned myself as a point guard after my hero John Stockton. I always practiced and played point, but due to the lack of size on our team, I was put in as a backup power forward. I wasn't good at rebounding or the low block stuff. My strength was passing.

The season went on, and we won only one or two games. I even missed one of the two wins because of a family emergency that occurred. I finally started the last game of the year: Senior Night. I scored a few buckets in the first quarter, but soon found my way to the back of the bench. With just a few minutes left in the game, and we were losing by 20 points as usual, the coach put all the seniors back in.

With just under two seconds left in the game, I took the inbounds pass and made a turnaround three-pointer as the buzzer expired. Game. Season. High School Career. Done.

Not your typical Hollywood ending because of how the game and the season ended, but for me, it was a huge personal victory. I had made the team. Years of effort were condensed into those six months where I had earned my varsity letters in football and basketball.

I never bought a letterman's jacket to put those letters on. All those hours of trying to prove to the coaches that I was good enough weren't happy memories for me.

If I had re-focused those countless hours of practicing basketball and football into the piano, bass, viola or any other instrument, I probably would've gone to college on music scholarship.

Somewhere between the 7th and 8th grade, my focus and attention switched from music (where I was naturally gifted) to sports (where I was never gifted). My parents had never pushed me into sports. My dad was a band geek. My oldest brother was a skater. My next older brother is a computer geek. I was the musician, not the jock.

After watching Rivers on stage last night reflecting on the art that he had created as Weezer took their final stage bow, I sometimes wonder if that could have been me with the musical talent that I had been given...

To answer my question of how I got involved with sports, I don't know the answer. It just happened. Maybe I really liked the challenge that sports offered since it didn't come as easy to me as music did. I think the key to a successful life is not becoming so well-rounded and being good at a lot of things, but the key is focusing all your efforts on the gifts that God gave you to become the best at what you are good at, as long as you're happy.

I recently read an article on ESPN about a top basketball prospect that had more natural ability than almost anyone in the country, but he never loved basketball and it drove his coaches and peers crazy. He liked books and working on cars. The pressure built on him with the basketball expectations that it eventually drove him to drinking and depression, and he recently died broke and "unfulfilled."

His wife said that he was perfectly happy not playing basketball, but the heavy drinking helped him cope with the "unfulfiled" expectations.

I guess the real lesson learned is that you have to do what makes you happy, and not what you're good at. In 7th and 8th grade, playing basketball made me happy and that's what I did.

I can still pick up a bass, piano, guitar or drums and play my heart out. I get a huge rush out of playing on stage in front of people. The nice thing about music: your skills don't deteriorate as you get old like they do in sports so a rocker pushing 40 years old like Rivers can still play his trade well past his prime, and I suspect I'll keep doing the same... in sports, music and writing :)

BYU 34 Utah State 14: A Trip to Logan

2008-10-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

October 3, 2008:

This may be the only road game that I travel for BYU this season. I will want to go to a bowl game, especially if it is a BCS game.

8:00 A.M. - I woke up to go to the bathroom. Normally I would be late for work, but I took the day off to enjoy my time to Logan.

10:00 A.M. - OK. I can't sleep in any longer. Got up, took a shower and watched TV.

12:00 P.M. - Went to the Graywhale to look for a rare CD for a birthday present for a good friend.

2:30 P.M. - Left SLC to head up to Logan for the game.

4:00 P.M. - Arrived in Logan and looked for lunch... We ate at Juniper. First time I've eaten in 24 hours. It felt goooood.

6:00 P.M. - Kickoff. I had never been to a game at Romney Stadium in Logan. It was kind of cool, because the field is located in what feels like a pit. Our tickets were on the upper side of the student section. You could look past the west side of the stadium and catch a picturesque view of Cache Valley.

7:00 P.M. - BYU jumped out to a 24-0 lead after the 1st quarter thanks to a long 76-yard touchdown pass to WR Austin Collie and two key turnovers that led to points for the Cougars.

8:00 P.M. - The halftime score is 24-0 as neither team scores in the 2nd quarter. It felt a little disturbing that BYU could not score against a very bad Utah State team for 15 minutes. Side note: with Romney stadium experiencing a near sellout, there was a people jam to try and get to the concessions. It took the entire halftime just to make it to the concessions stands. That was super aggravating.

8:45 P.M. - After missing most of the third quarter thanks to the mosh pit and slow lines of high schoolers running the concessions, BYU scores twice to take a 34-0 lead. That marks 2 3/4 games of shutout football by the BYU defense. BYU has now outscored its opponents (UCLA, Wyoming, and Utah State) a combined 137-0 over the span. Wow.

Side Note: I went to get some famous Aggie Ice Cream after the half. They had a sign with 5 different ice cream flavors. I walked up to order and asked for a certain flavor. They gave me this snide, "Why do you think we are standing here serving only vanilla?" (like I was an idiot for asking for chocolate fudge.) First, vanilla wasn't even on their stupid menu! Second, I know I was wearing a BYU t-shirt, but why the 'tude? I am a paying customer. Beloved BYU creamery, I know that you would treat an Aggie customer with kindness had the situation been switched. You have just made certain to me that BYU creamery ice cream is better than Aggie ice cream, and Utah State is an agricultural university!

9:30 P.M. - Utah State breaks through on a 40-yard run to score the first points against the Cougars in nearly three games.

Another side note: There were nine BYU fans that went in our group and we were sandwiched with Aggie fans in front and behind us. They were actually really cool fans, and they weren't acting like annoying Ute fans. I doubt I'll get such luck at Rice Eccles stadium. But hey, isn't that what a great rivalry is about?

9:40 P.M. - Utah State scores again. 34-14. Utah State nearly recovers the onside kick. After 10 more exciting minutes where Utah State threatens to score a few more times, the game ends with almost everybody still there. Aggie fans leave happy that they only lost by 20 points. BYU fans are upset by the poor 4th quarter performance by the Cougars. But on the bright side, at least we had a humbling moment in a sure victory so that we will not overlook New Mexico and TCU looming on the schedule.

10:45 P.M. - A last minute stop to Arctic Circle with friends to celebrate the win over sweet potatoes fries and shakes!

Overall, an awesome adventure. Would I go back to Logan again? Yes! Would I buy Aggie Ice Cream? No! Will BYU drop in the polls? Yes. One spot. No major upsets occurred in the top 10. So the fight for higher rankings continue...

In Case You Missed It...

2008-09-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

Here is the video and audio of the home-brewed coverage of the Ravens-Steelers game. Take three and a half hours and let it just play out in the background. Or download the mp3. Freedom is in your hands.

BTW, if you're worried about whether you can take that much football, just keep in mind that we hardly talked about any football.

Video:

That first video was 90% of it before Ustream started conking out on us. The rest of the game (in staggered video) is chronicled in these links.

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/751904
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/751907
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/751915
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/751929

Audio:

Audio Download:

Here.

22 Scenarios

2008-09-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

With BYU going into its bye week, we will now look at the bigger picture. A BCS game is a lock if the Cougars go undefeated, but getting to the BCS title game will take extra help.

Last year, it might have happened (since LSU got in with 2 losses) and it felt like the No.1 and No. 2 teams in the country got upset almost every weekend. I doubt this will happen, but here's to wishful thinking.

Here are 22 Scenarios to help BYU get an invitation to the BCS title game.

1. No. 2 Oklahoma loses to TCU this weekend.

2. Then Oklahoma wins out, but then loses in the Big 12 title game to Missouri

3. No. 1 USC needs to lose at Oregon State this weekend.

4. No. 1 USC then needs to win the rest of their games, but lose to UCLA

5. No. 3 Georgia needs to lose at LSU and at Auburn

6. No. 4 Florida loses at Georgia, then in the SEC title game. A 3rd loss would help.

7. No. 5 LSU loses at Florida and at South Carolina in back to back weeks.

8. No. 6 Missouri beat No. 7 Texas, and beats Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game

9. No. 7 Texas loses to Oklahoma, Missouri, and Kansas

10. No. 8 Alabama loses at Georgia, at LSU and at Tennessee

11. No. 9 Wisconsin loses at Michigan and Ohio State, but beats Penn State

12. No. 10 Texas Tech loses at Kansas State, Texas A&M and Texas

13. No. 12 Penn State loses to Illinois and Wisconsin, but beats Ohio State

14. No. 14 Ohio State loses to Wisconsin and Michigan

15. No. 13 South Florida loses at North Carolina State and at West Virginia

16. No. 15 Auburn loses at West Virginia and at Alabama

17. No. 16 Wake Forest beats Clemson, but loses at Maryland and at Miami

18. No. 17 Utah goes undefeated, but loses November 22 against BYU

19. No. 19 Boise State loses to Fresno State

20. No. 21 Vanderbilt goes back to being Vanderbilt

21. No. 11 BYU shuts out a few more teams and ends the season on 22 game win-streak

22. Basically, every BCS team needs at least two losses like last year, and we face Missouri in the National Title Game and win in an offensive shootout.

This is why I hate college football. Wild Cards do not even have a shot to get to the championship game like the New York Giants did last year in the NFL. It is reason No. 25 why pro football is better than the greedy college bowl championship series system.

BYU 44, Wyoming 0: A Boring Shutout

2008-09-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

September 20, 2008:

I won't lie. I wasn't able to attend this game at Lavell Edwards Stadium in Provo because I was in Seattle for some family stuff. I wish I had gone to Seattle two weeks earlier to watch the controversial win against the University of Washington. I don't know if any of you readers have ever visited the UW campus, but it is amazing. I'd say it's a top-5 most awesome campus in the country.

I couldn't get the MTN channel (the Mountain West Network) up in the state of Washington, so I had to get my scoring updates via Google Text (text something to the number 46645, and you'll get a quicker response than using CHA-CHA).

The game appeared to be amazing from the texting standpoint. 44-0! Another shutout at home! That's 103-0 against the past two opponents. This never happens (actually BYU had a 59-0 win followed by a 44-0 win in 1985, the year after their first national title in 1984).

I couldn't wait to watch the game on replay. I got home and read all the newspapers, and talked with my friends who attended the game. They all said the same thing.

"It was pretty boring."

What!?!?!?! How could a 44-0 landslide victory be boring? I was at the 59-0 game the previous week, and that was anything but boring. 'Twas a 3-hour celebration! Every awesome touchdown was euphoric! The suspense of the looming shutout was intense.

So, I hurried home to watch the TiVo'd version of the game. I don't know about you, but I love to watch a football game previously recorded. You can condense a 3 1/2 hour football game to just around one hour, or an episode of "Lost" or "24" or "Chuck" for those of you non-sports readers. No commercials, no pre-game, no halftime, and you don't have to listen to every stupid little quib the commentators think they have to give.

Sure enough, the game was kind of boring, even in the shorter version. I was so bored after a 27-0 first half lead, that I didn't even bother to watch the last 17 points scored after halftime. Even if Wyoming had scored, it would have been ok. Weird.

So, I decided to write about something else for the second half.

Have you ever watched an old movie you remember being so awesome as a kid, and then as you re-watch it, you can't believe how awesomely bad it was, even "Star Wars?"

This weeks movie: "Bloodsport" starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, released in 1988. One user on IMDB called it the best Martial-Arts film of the century.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092675/

Growing up as a kid, I remember thinking this movie had it all. Martial Arts, fighting, and the perfect villain named Chong Li (whom I believe was the inspiration for woman Chinese fighter Chun Li from one of the best video games ever: Street Fighter 2).

But watching it last week on TV, wow! I don't think it could have gotten any worse. It was so bad, it was great. The fighting in the movie was more scripted than a Dukes of Hazard bar fight. I was so disappointed. It felt like the producer knew that the movie would fail, but young kids would drink it up quicker than WWF wrestling. Sorry, Hulk Hogan.

He was right! I remember thinking this was the greatest thing since Thundercats. Oh, that scene where Chong Li breaks the dudes leg, and you stomach churns. I was so bummed out that they edited it out in the cable TV-version I was watching. But if this movie didn't inspire the video game Street Fighter, which then gave us Mortal Kombat, nothing else did.

This was the greatest gift ever given to boys my age. Better than Kathy Ireland playing a football kicker on a college team in "Necessary Roughness." Better than "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" (the first movie). Better than Ken Griffey Jr. UpperDeck rookie baseball card. I submit that it could not get any better than this!

I'd personally like to thank the producer and director for reluctantly giving boys of the '80s the most important R rated movie of our lifetimes. Jean-Claude Van Damme owes his career ("Kickboxer," "Lionheart," "Double Team," etc.) to you, and so does Forrest Whittaker ("Species," "The Last King of Scotland" and "Hope Floats").

Just please, watch it again... for the first time. Make it an event.

Next Week: 400 possible scenarios of how BYU could make the BCS title game during its bye. Weber State plays Utah for the first time since Ron McBride gave us MAFU. Plus, No. 24 TCU at No. 2 Oklahoma could possibly be the biggest game in the history of the Mountain West Conference.

Photo of the Year: ARGGGGGHHHHH MATEY!

2008-09-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

Wow! Where do I even begin?

For those of you who don't know football, the man on the right, Al Davis, has been the owner of the Oakland Raiders for a really, really, long time. Normally he makes his public appearances with shades (hint: bring back the sunglasses). The Raiders pride themselves on their pirate, pillaging, plundering image. I vote that the grim reaper on the right, Davis, should just wear an eye-patch and call himself "Captain Davis."

The man on the left is Lane Kiffin, whom Davis hired to be his head coach last year when he was only 32 years old, younger than some of the players on his roster. After only one season, where the Raiders actually showed improvement by doubling their wins from the season before from 2 to 4, Captain Davis asked coach Kiffin to resign. If Kiffin resigned, he wouldn't get the three years and millions of dollars on his contract still owed to him. Kiffin said "if you want me out, you'll have to fire me" meaning, pay him what he signed up for. Hence, Kiffin, thinks that Davis is a joke (which he is) and he can't wipe that smirk of his face. He's toying with the senile bat who's too cheap to fire him, and instead makes petty threats via the media.

The two haven't spoken for weeks, and rumors have been flying that Kiffin will be fired any day now, despite the fact that the Raiders won their game last week on the road in Kansas City. It's absolutely bizarro.

Also, Captain Davis, aka Skeletor, is the general manager of the Raiders. I believe he is the only owner in the league that has no GM, which means he makes all the personnel moves (signing players, traders, drafts, and coaches). At the end of last season, coach Kiffin wanted to fire the defensive coordinator, Rob Ryan; Skeletor blocked it, and instead asked baby-faced Kiffin to walk the plank.

I have no idea how Captain Davis is in the Hall of Fame, espcially if Art Modell is not. But that's a discussion for another time, scallywags.

BYU 59 UCLA 0 - The Perfect Game

2008-09-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday, September 13th, 2008

I woke up around 11 a.m. (very common for an Average Joe Saturday morning). Took a shower, shaved, and jumped in the car with Lex and my roommate Scott and his brother Zak, also roommate, for the weekly pilgrimage down to Provo.

Before the game we stopped at The Italian Place, a local sandwich stop where I promptly ordered a pastrami sandwich. Pastrami is always the meat of choice if I choose to pay for sandwiches. I think that is reason number one why I hate Subway, no pastrami option. I have never liked spending money for sandwiches, but if I do, hopefully pastrami is an option.

We arrived at the stadium, and I met Jon (editor-in-chief of this blog) for our ritual shot of the field from our seats. I had actually thought my seats were more nose bleed at the opening game, but after re-reading my ticket, I was pleasantly surprised to find out I had really good seats for this season! (see picture)

This was the marquee game of the season for the Cougars. A chance to play a good PAC-10 team at home and exact revenge on the team that had beaten us last year in the Rose Bowl.

It was awesome to see most the 64,000 fans wearing blue and white on a hot Saturday afternoon. I forgot to wear sun block, and ended up with a red face the following day.

BYU scored on their first possession and went up 7-0. Then in the second quarter all-heck-broke-loose.

The Cougars scored to go up 14-0. Then DE Jan Jorgensen sacked UCLA QB Kevin Craft, who fumbled and it was recovered by the Cougars. BYU scored on the very next play, a 37-yard pass to WR Austin Collie for a 21-0 lead. Then UCLA fumbled on the kickoff, and the Cougars scored again to make it 28-0. On the following possession, BYU defender Scott Johnson nailed the Bruins tailback who did a flip in the air during the tackle and coughed up the football (not literally). BYU recovered and scored to make it 35-0 with nine minutes left in the half.

BYU scored four touchdowns in five minutes. The game was over in 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it! Everybody was going nuts. The rest of the game, the fans continued to hope for a shut out. BYU blocked UCLA's field goal attempt (this is the exact way we beat them in the Las Vegas Bowl in December). And then their kicker missed a very short field goal in the 4th quarter to keep the shut out intact.

It was the most PERFECT, complete game I have ever witness the Cougars play! I have seen the Cougars score 50+ points several times. I've even seen them score 50 points and lose. But I have never seen the team completely destroy the other team with 59 points in a shutout domination!

(I'm speechless)

Ok. Now I'm no longer speechless. Some interesting points from the game:

1) Last week, I had mentioned the Utes stadium being the Red Sea because the 44,000 strong were wearing some form of red. I stand corrected. We'll call the Utes the Red Lake. The real Red Sea reference belongs to the Nebraska Cornhuskers. They have sold out every single game since 1962 and Memorial stadium doubles the Utes stadium with 80,000+ fans each game!

2) I also noted that I was jealous because the Utes have a sliver of their stadium (one section in the southeast corner) dedicated to students to want to stand up and be rowdy during the entire game. Well, this week I noticed that nearly half of Cougar stadium is filled with students standing up, wearing blue, and cheering raucously the entire game. BYU has the entire South End zone, plus the north AND south east side of the stadium packed with students wearing blue and cheering the entire game. I'd say BYU has about as many of these crazies standing than Rice Eccles even holds.

3) "Guys, the bathrooms here are NUTS!" (Bill Hader in the movie Hot Rod, 2007) - Cougar stadium men's bathrooms have the game broadcast on the radio so you don't miss even a leak of action.

4) UCLA featured one of the greatest offensive geniuses in college football history on their sidelines in Norm Chow. Just ask any BYU loyal fan, Norm Chow produced incredible offenses for the Cougars during his 25-year tenure over the BYU offense. We shut him out! I don't think he has even been shut out as an offensive coordinator.

5) Cougar-tail: Wow, what a great name! Unfortunately, it means an 18-inch maple bar that BYU sells over 1,500 each Saturday at their home games. But even better I just found out that BYU also sells a Brat-tail (another a great name!) which is one of these delicious donuts stuffed with a bratwurst. It's like the McDonald's McGriddle and BYU football just had a baby and perfection was created. I'm trying one of these next home game!

Breakfast + bratwurst = a party in my mouth!

6) Speaking of perfection, BYU's motto is the "The Quest for Perfection" and we just played a perfect game with a 59-0 thumping of a worthy PAC-10 opponent. Now we have the pathetic Wyoming Cowboys coming to town this weekend. Only three hard games remain on the schedule: at Air Force, at TCU, and at Utah on November 22. That game cannot get here any faster!

Next week: Pokes? More like jokes! Wyoming Cowboys get their backs broke!

The Geek vs. The Jock

2008-09-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

So, this is probably my greatest story as an intern for the Baltimore Ravens in 2003.

During the season, I developed a high school-style crush on one of the Ravens cheerleaders. She was one of the top-3 most gorgeous women I have ever met in person, and I'm not saying that because she was a cheerleader. She was really nice and super, MEGA hot.

I would occasionally see her at events. I tried my best to get to know her the best I could without looking like too much of a doofus.

One time, my roommate Jeff (also an intern) and I went to a club on a weeknight. She happened to be there. I said hey, and we talked for a little bit. I actually got the guts to ask her for her phone number, which she suprisingly gave to me.

On the final game of the season (a home playoff loss in the wild-card round to the Tennesse Titans), some of the players and some of the staff went to the same club after the game to blow off a season full of stress.

After the party, we ended up at my boss's house to chill a little longer. This cheerleader happened to be there. Safety Will Demps, a starter, also happened to be there. He was a ladies' man who happened to have scored a touchdown off an interception earlier in the game.

He had been drinking and was trying to get this cheerleader to go home with him with all his "C'mon baby, I'll take you home" moves.

She seemed a little hesitant, and I dunno if she didn't want to hook up with him or was nervous about him driving. Anyway, I offered her a ride home, and she chose me.

I guess I seemed like the safe choice. Obviously nothing happened, but hey, at least for a day, this geek can say that he trumped the jock.

Five years later, I happened to stumble across this article on NBC sports.com.

Week 2: Utah 42 UNLV 21 -- The Red Sea

2008-09-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

Week 2: September 6th, 2008

Ahhh, another Saturday filled with football. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that football season is back. I woke up around noon (typical for an Average Joe Saturday). I then walked down to the living room and got ready to watch BYU play at the University of Washington in Seattle.

I am from the state of Washington, but I grew up on the east side of the state in the Tri-Cities. In Washington, you are either a Husky (UW) or a Cougar (Washington State). I was a Cougar. Every year, our teams battled it out in the Apple Cup. The Huskies were dominant during my youth. They even won a national championship in the early '90s. So, as a Cougar, I've always hated the purple and gold of the UW Huskies.

If any of you have ever seen me in the morning, you can attest that I am not a morning person. I look like one of the zombies straight out of the thriller video, except without the cool '80s garb (or the dancing). I sleep-walked straight over to the fridge and pulled out some five-day old Chinese food for breakfast. I admit it was a bad idea, but it seemed like an okay idea in my comatose state.

My roommate Kyle came in to watch the game. It was my first experience watching a BYU game with him, but he added quite a twist to the viewing pleasure. My friend Lex also joined us in the festivities. We ordered some take-out from La Frontera (a fabulous dirty Mexican joint off Bangerter Highway) and enjoyed watching the first half of tight football.

I had a dress rehearsal for a gig with my guitar friend Mike later in the day so I had to take off and miss the second half. I caught the final minutes of the game on the radio and it turns out that BYU won 28-27 after a controversial "excessive celebration" penalty pushed a game-tying extra point back 15 yards that BYU blocked to win the game.

Should the flag have been thrown? No. Was it? Unfortunately, yes. Was it a violation of the rule? Yes, UW QB Jake Locker (see photo) threw the ball 20 feet above his head, so a flag could have been thrown. Look, PAC-10 officials messed with their home team. Their officiating has been terrible for years (see Oklahoma at Oregon in 2006).

The solution: Stop using your own referees at your home games in non-conference. Other conferences don't. Why do you have to be the only ones? This is why nobody wants to play you in the West Coast in non-conference. Sure, you get Oklahoma coming back and Ohio State this weekend, but if anything fishy happens in those games, your reputation turns from burnt toast to charred biscuits.

Okay, now to those hated Utes. After my gig, I drove up 4th South to Rice-Eccles Stadium. I've never noticed how deserted downtown SLC can be on game night. It felt like a ghost town.

I parked at Little Caesar's so that I could down some crazy bread on my way up to the game. It's amazing how terrible the parking situation is for a 45,000 seat stadium. If it weren't for TRAX, it would be an absolute nightmare!

As I waited for my ticket from Rhett (I arrived just before halftime), I happened to be standing by the smokers area just outside the gate. I admit, it was a little weird seeing 30 people crammed into a tiny area for their nicotine fix. That wouldn't have even existed 15 years ago. Smokers can really start to understand segregation. I know second-hand smoke smells bad, but at an open air stadium? Sometimes, I start to believe that smokers have some rights too.

As I entered the Red Sea, I felt a little sick to my stomach. Why did I buy Ute season tickets again? (oh yeah, November 22 when BYU comes to town). Why did I choose to attend a Utah versus UNLV game? Because there was nothing better to do on a Saturday night, and I wanted a blog entry.

Our seats were pretty good. Check out the photo. Pretty much the entire stadium wore red and white Ute apparel. In my ignorance, I wore a blue shirt from my earlier gig. It wasn't a BYU shirt, but I felt weird and proud at the same time.

UNLV (a bottom feeder in the Mountain West that shut out Utah last season 27-0 in Las Vegas) played Utah to a 14-14 tie at the break.

Utah took over in the 3rd quarter with three touchdowns to put an end to any upset hopes the Rebels may have had for a upset of a ranked team and ended up winning in a landslide victory 42-21.

Surprised observations:
I was actually impressed with everybody wearing school colors at the stadium. I was also impressed that people knew when to cheer and what the main cheers were for (1st down, etc.). The wave was pretty impressive as well. I loved the student section: the muss - where an entire section is dedicated to students who will stand up for the entire game and wave flags after touchdowns. I wished with all my heart that BYU had such an organized function that I could join during my time there. They are missing out on a golden opportunity.

Bad observations:
I can't believe that such a dumpy stadium hosted the Opening Games for the 2002 Winter Olympics. It was the 10-year anniversary of the renovation of Rice-Eccles stadium. Apparently, 50 million dollars was invested into remodeling the stadium once Utah earned their Olympic bid in the mid 1990s. From what I hear, the stadium was much crappier with wood benches and such before the money was raised. I can't believe that Coach Ron McBride actually competed with BYU in the 1990s with such pathetic facilities.

Another bad observation:
I attended a fireside last night at the University of Utah institute building featuring head coach Kyle Whittingham. I've never had any personal experience with him, but wow, I wasn't impressed. Even if I were a Utah booster with money to donate, his presentation wouldn't have sold me. He isn't very good at addressing a crowd at all. In fact, he was smart to let his secondary coach Morgan Scalley (a captain of the 2004 undefeated Ute team) speak last, who was a much more eloquent speaker. At least Whittingham understands his weaknesses.

The thing that drives me nuts, is that the Utes thrive on ripping BYU in any given opportunity, including a fireside in a church dedicated building when the BYU game is 10 weeks away! You would never hear BYU Head Coach Bronco Mendenhall go out of his way to insult the Utes. Do you know why? He doesn't need to. It's not in his interests. He is focused on winning against the next opponent. Kyle barely mentioned that he was playing at Utah State this weekend. But he took two or three occasions to go out of his way to rip BYU, his alma matter, and the school who first offered him his first head coaching job.

I am so glad that Kyle chose to take the U job, so that he could continue to lead them to mediocrity and teach sportsmanship by onside kicking on Wyoming with a 40 point lead. I wish BYU would have never even offered him the position to begin with. Hiring Bronco was the best thing to happen to both of these programs and their ultra-fierce rivalry. see: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/preview08/news/story?id=3529952

Next week: Did BYU beat UCLA soundly to regain some national respect? How will Norm Chow be embraced back in Provo?

BYU: 41 Northern Iowa: 17 -- Joe Knows Provo

2008-09-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

This season, I was blessed with the opportunity to get season tickets to both BYU and Utah. As a graduate of Brigham Young University, one would ask why I would get season tickets to the Utes, our fiercest rival. The simple answer is this: it was the only way to guarantee a ticket to the BYU vs. Utah game on November 22.

This season, I will be making real and personal blog posts for the first time in this blog, not just random commentary on local and national stories. It's a new style of writing, and I hope to keep it stimulating enough that you won't click back over to your Facebook account to see if something changed in the last 30 seconds.

Week 1: August 30, 2008

Northern Iowa vs. BYU: Why is BYU playing a Div. II school when Utah State is already on the schedule? It's because WAC ninny Nevada backed out of BYU at the last second, and we had to find someone to fill in the Labor Day home game.

Why would BYU schedule a game on home on Labor Day weekend? It's the last official weekend of summer and CLASSES HAVEN'T STARTED YET? Well, if you look at BYU's dismal non-conference road record, you can see why it's so important to open the season at home.

I woke up around ten (noon is the typical wake up time on a Saturday, unless odd morning commitments are scheduled). Today, my parents happened to be in town from the state of Washington, and we were planning to help my sister (who lives in Pleasant Grove) paint my niece's bedroom.

By the time I got to Utah County, the room had already been painted, so I headed over to Jon's (editor-in-chief of averagejoesports.blogspot.com) house to a pre-game meal. We watched some of the Utah at Michigan game (the Utes won at the "Big House" which was the news of the day), then drove down to Cougar stadium.

Traffic was about as bad as it gets in Utah County (this happens six times a year, all BYU home games). Finally, we parked in a decent spot, thanks to Jon's parents' extra parking pass, and hiked up to the stadium. See attached photo of typical BYU alumni tool posing in from of Lavell Edwards stadium.

It was a 4 p.m. kickoff, which was awesome because it was scorching during the first half. The heat was beating down on 64,000 fans wearing blue as if to say: DON'T SCHEDULE GAMES UNTIL AFTER CLASSES START!

Prince (my BYU student friend who hooked me up with the season tickets) missed the game BECAUSE SCHOOL HADN'T STARTED YET, so I gave the ticket to an out-of-town high school friend who needed one extra ticket (This friend happens to be a girl from WA who my parents want me to marry, and I would be totally cool with that). I met her at the gate and gave her the ticket. She said thanks and headed up to sit with her family.

I found that kind of awkward, so I headed up to my seat up at the very, very top. My nose started to bleed (that's a joke), so I got bored and went and squished with Jon and his brothers for the first half. See photo from Jon's seat as teams line up to kick PAT. It was super, duper hot in the stands, but BYU took a convincing lead against an inferior opponent. The guy sitting next to us was really nice, but kind of annoying because he was trying to brainwash his 4-year old boy into becoming a fan of his alumni (like any good father would do). But he was nice enough to not get mad about how squished we all were since I didn't belong there.

In the second quarter, I got an invite from my arranged marriage friend to sit with her and her nieces. I went up there at halftime, and enjoyed the game from the highest seat in the south endzone. By 6 p.m. the stadium had cooled down and I downed two beverages to quench the sweating of the first half.

BYU played dismally in the 3rd quarter and allowed Northern Iowa (how big is Iowa?) to come within ten points. By the 4th quarter, order was restored as BYU won 41-17. To be honest, I didn't pay too much attention to the game as I was trying to catch up with this friend whom my parents wanted me to marry.

We chatted about what's happened the past 10 years of our lives. She speaks fluent Chinese and has been to Asia at least once a year during the past decade. She had a Chinese friend named Thomas with her (kind of an odd name for a guy who speaks no English, but I guess that is better than me trying to pronounce his name in Mandarin).

After the game, we said goodbye as she headed back to her sister's house in south Provo, and I gave my roommate a ride back up to Salt Lake. All in all, it was so nice to feel football in the air. In fact on Labor Day Monday, it rained all day long as summer officially ended and football season is finally here!

Later in the week: Average Joe sneaks into hated territory at Rice-Eccles stadium!

2008 Average Joe's NFL Preview

2008-09-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

The NFL season kicks off this week! Yes! I can't believe it's finally here.

It's time for predictions.

Every year, I swear the so-called "experts" sit there and pick their winners for the upcoming NFL season by just xeroxing a copy of the previous NFL season standings. They pick the same division winners in every division except either the NFC North or South, and that's it. Some of them even pick the same wild cards as the previous year. It's embarrassing. Everybody is afraid to go out on a limb -- except me, of course.

I've been doing my NFL research for the past 8 months. To make my bold predictions, I went through all 32 NFL rosters , scouring the teams for talent. Then I went to the schedules and counted to most definite LOSSES (not wins), calculating road teams and good teams coming to town.

To prove my point about lame "expert" predictions, I will chart the 2008 NFL predictions with the chart below. I will list the teams on how they finished last season. Then put up the expert picks for this upcoming season. ESPN stands for the writers at ESPN who didn't dare make one bold prediction. Then it will be Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z (SI), who has made bold predictions in the past and comes up laughably short (remember the Miami Dolphins two years ago?). Then I will post Tuesday Morning Quarterback, aka Gregg Easterbrook's predictions (TMQ). He is a very detailed writer, but can be a little cocky. Then finally, I will post Average Joe's predictions (JOE).

You will see that a lot of experts go 1, 2, 3, 4 in a lot of divisions. And most pick the exact division winners from a year ago. Wow, don't go too far out on that limb ESPN!

(Note: click on the chart to make bigger if it's difficult to read)

In recent years, the trend has been not to pick the Super Bowl winner, (because believe me, nobody thought the New York Giants would win it all last year, not even Giants fans), but to pick the surprise team. We call this the sleeper. Last year nobody saw Cleveland and Green Bay winning double-digit games. In 2006, the sleepers were the Jets and the Saints.

Who is it going to be this year? The boldest prediction I have heard is from Aaron Schatz in ESPN The Magazine who said it was going to be the Houston Texans. Good choice. They've never made the playoffs, they have drafted a very explosive, young defense and they have a good running game that mimics the Denver Broncos (who have had some of the best running stats in the past decade).

The Arizona Cardinals are getting some buzz, as always, but it's the cardinal (pun intended) rule not to pick them as a sleeper. The Oakland Raiders have a very easy schedule, but until owner Al Davis croaks or sells the team, you can't count on them.

This season's true sleepers are the Raiders, Dolphins, Falcons, Chiefs, 49ers, Rams, Texans, Ravens and Lions. I liked the Rams, but they've been picked too many times.

I picked the Ravens to win the division. It's my homer pick. But heck, when Kyle Boller started as a rookie, the Ravens won the division. Why not new rookie QB Joe Flacco?

My official sleeper pick is the Detroit Lions. Picking them makes me cringe, mainly because general manager Matt Millen still runs the team. But they do have the best quarterback in their division. Wide receivers Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson are studs. I love Jim Colletto as an offensive coordinator (RB Jamal Lewis ran for 2,066 yards when Colletto was the offensive line coach with the Ravens in 2003). They can simply outscore the other teams in their division. Plus, they've been cursed since Barry Sanders retired. They're due.

My Super Bowl pick? The Cowboys (as a wild card) over the Colts. The Patriots are susceptible to the pass, and Indy will surely expose that weakness in the playoffs. Dallas needs to go in as a wildcard so Romo won't crap the bed. Plus, I'd love to see Wade Phillips retire on top. I've really grown to like "grandpa" Wade watching HBO's Hard Knocks.

College Football Preview: Double Stuffed

2008-08-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Football is finally here!

I'm so happy for football this year that I got season tickets to both BYU and Utah. I could be watching college football in person for the next 12 weeks. Not once to the teams play at home on the same Saturday!

Why Utah, you ask (considering I'm BYU alumni)? Well, it's simple, buying season tickets to Utah was the only way to guarantee tickets to the BYU vs. Utah game in Salt Lake City this fall.

Rhett, Jon and I have talked about going to the 5 games Utah home games leading up to the BYU game and making friends with the real Utah season ticket holders around us. We'll cheer, have a good time, and be a part of the MUSS (whatever the hell that is). Then for the final game, low and behold, we show up in Blue. Ahhh, it will be worth it just to see the look on their faces!

In fact, maybe I should finally buy a digital camera to chronicle my 12 straight weeks of adventure on this very blog...

Alas, I have been waiting for football to finally be here since the Giants upset the 18-0 Patriots in the final minute of the Super Bowl!

If any of you know me, I am more of a pro football fan than a college football fan. My reasoning is that in college, there are way too many teams to follow, and the same over-rated teams get the BCS hype every year; not to mention that the BCS has helped ruin the tradition of bowl games. I think the BCS has done good things (like the UCS vs. Texas national title and the Boise State vs. Oklahoma game, neither of which would have happened in the old bowl system).

College football is a better experience if you purchase tickets to watch it at the stadium (which is partly why I bought season tickets for two teams) than pro football is, but pro is better for television. Pro football has better star power, better talent and a better playoff system. College basketball gets the postseason right, but college football and its out-of-date bowl system needs new blood, and bad!

Anyway, back to college...

I have already written my BYU preview (posted on my blog two months ago on June 25th), and I STICK WITH IT. Everybody expects BYU to run the table and be the non-conference team to crash the BCS this year with a berth into the Fiesta Bowl, but I just don't see the team going 8-0 in the Mountain West Conference for the third consecutive year, especially with games at TCU and at Utah. I see another 11-2 season with a possible MWC title and a berth into the Vegas bowl (an extra home game for BYU supporters) for the 4th consecutive season.

BYU has historically let its fans down because its fans choose to live with blue blinders on, thinking that BYU deserves to be a national powerhouse. But we are just not as good as we think we are. We were a really good WAC team and we are a really good MWC team, but we wouldn't survive in the PAC-10 or any BCS conference, so why should we be expected to be mentioned with the best schools from those conferences when we can barely play .500 ball with them? We barely beat UCLA in the bowl game we were favored by 10 points in. We lost to Tulsa! And we lost two years in a row to Boston College (almost the cream of the crop in the ACC). If you look through BYU history, we've generally played average against real teams. Sure we beat Pitt and Michigan to win the 1984 title. Sure we shocked No. 1 Miami in Provo, only to lose at Oregon a month later. Sure we went 14-1 in 1996 and barely beat Kansas State in the Bowl Game, but we lost at Washington that year and beat up on Rice and UTEP in that crazy 15-game schedule that including barely getting by Wyoming in Las Vegas in the WAC championship. We just aren't as good as we think we are on a national level.

I know our offensive line is better, but we have a lot of new faces in the secondary. So tell me, why 12-0 this year with a BCS berth? I know we have the favorable schedule to do it (with Washington, Utah and TCU being our tough road games), but please don't expect it Cougar fans. It's simply too lofty of an explanantion.

Other things to expect from the 2008 college football season...

Georgia won't be in the title game. They are the preseason consensus number 1 team, but they will crumble under the expectations.

LSU and Florida won't be in the title game. They just are not ready.

Oklahoma has a really good shot at making the title game. YIKES. They only have to get past Texas with their cupcake schedule. Hopefully that doesn't happen 'cause Oklahoma hasn't done squat in the BCS since 2000, yet they keep going back back to BCS bowls (qualified or not).

Ohio State could be in the national title mix, but they have to play at USC in week 3 (a lock for a loss), and could lose one Big Ten game to pretty much anyone.

Missouri lined up a cupcake schedule, with a returning senior QB in Chase Daniel, but I think the football gods will frown upon that and they will lose.

TCU and Utah should be as good as advertised, and TCU could sneak away with the MWC title. Utah tends to choke early on, and TCU gets BYU at home.

Hawaii will stink, but we all knew that already.

West Virginia won't be great with a new coach in place.

Clemson can make the title game with their talent and returning QB, if they get by Alabama in Week 1. I like Clemson a lot, even if Bowden Jr. is a terrible coach.

USC should be great this year. They've been too quiet since Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush left.

And I hope this is the year that two PAC-10 teams finally represent in the BCS bowls. The PAC-10 should have been screaming about this every year! It's not fair that the Big 10, Big 12, SEC and even the Big East have all gotten two bids almost annually and it hasn't happened once in 10 years just because they play on the west coast. They play the toughest and truest conference schedule. They play the toughest non-conference schedules, so they should be the ones that reward the top two teams from their conference into BCS bowls for double dipping in the BCS pie.

One last thing, I hope 2008 is the year that the PAC-10 qualifies two teams into BCS bowls. There are ten BCS bids now. There used to be eight. There are six BCS conferences: PAC-10, ACC, SEC, Big 12, Big Ten, and the Big East, which means that two spots are always open for "wild card" bids. Those spots almost always go to a BCS school (with the 2004 Utes, 2006 Boise State, and 2007 Hawaii as the only non-BCS conference selections).

Every season, those extra spots are given to other BCS conferences except the PAC-10 (usually, it's USC). It's not fair that the Big 10, Big 12, SEC and even the Big East have been awarded two teams. The PAC-10 has never received a second team to play in the BCS game. The PAC-10 should be screaming about this every year! They play the best conference schedule and always have the best non-conference schedule, yet it has not happened once in 10 years just because they play on the west coast, and they don't generate the TV ratings like Ohio State and Michigan can. It's just not fair, and I don't think the PAC-10 commissioner raises enough stink over it.

I'll raise it for him! That's the only thing I want this year because I know that BYU isn't BCS busting this year. If they do, great. I'll eat my words. But I just want PAC-10 to finally get some love when I'd put their top two up against the top two from any other BCS conference any day of the week, especially championship Monday!

Olympics: Week 2

2008-08-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

a) Usain "Lightning" Bolt from Jamaica is the fastest man in the world, so he'll probably sign with the Dallas Cowboys or Oakland Raiders...

b) "Redeem Team" (the USA basketball team) will win the gold with one of the keys being PG Chris Paul and PG Deron Williams coming off the bench...

c) Football season starts next week!

2 0.lympic 0.bservations, Gr-8!

2008-08-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you like that silly AP/ESPN headline!?! Sometimes those headlines on ESPN.com really try too hard.

Today has two main Olympics stories (Phelps and USA Basketball) with 8 mini-Olympics thoughts squished in between...

First and foremost, I wanted to save this until the last of the blog, but sometimes I can go on and on and you wouldn't make it that far down the page -- MICHAEL PHELPS IS AMAZING!

It's easy to get caught up in hype as it happens, but we are witnessing the most dominant swimmer in our lifetime. Not just a swimmer, but he is right up there with Jordan, Barry Sanders, and Tiger as the best athlete of our generation! He just dominates. And he is well on pace to win 8 gold medals thanks to teammate Jason Lezak's amazing sprint to the finish in the 4x100m freestyle relay final. That was the most exciting swimming event I have ever witnessed! Get your pens out Disney script writers, here's your new movie: "Down with the Frenchies!" Then we'll eventually get the "Down with the Frenchies 7: Competitive Eating," direct to DVD release at Wal-Mart.

So please, he swims Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. If you have plans, have someone TiVo it for you. Just watch and witness history. It's been 36 years since Spitz's record seven gold medals. It could be another 30-50 years before someone challenges Phelps. Relish it!

1) So women's diving got a little more interesting with the shower scenes in between each dive, but it's just plain homophobic with the men's diving team. But I guess you have to please the female audience. I wish more women's sports cut to shower scenes in between game action. Except softball of course.

2) The Olympics need to cut down on the number of overall sports. It's just too much. Badminton? Field hockey? Sailing? ("Take me away from here!") Keep it simple: swimming, track and field, gymnastics, rowing and a few of the basic team sports with basketball, volleyball, etc. Luckily baseball and softball are being eliminated because they aren't really world wide sports. Only a small fraction of countries play baseball or softball.

3) But since we deal with the over-saturation of Olympic sports, if I were a semi-decent collegiate athlete, but wanted to stay in sports after school, I would totally join the U.S. handball team -- which is totally the wave of the future (awesome combination of soccer and basketball). Plus, if you won a gold medal in some obscure team sport, you could always Penelope (one-up) someone at any party. "Oh, you had seven wisdom teeth removed? Well, I won a gold medal!"

4) Even though the U.S. gymnastics team got beat by a bunch of 12-year-old Chinese girls, it still allowed for about 50 great Chinese jokes like "Yeah, I just won the Gold Medal, now my father won't get shot!"

5) I almost bought into the human rights hype as a lazy excuse of not to watch the Olympics, but the games aren't doing the Chinese any favors. The thought of millions of children publicly defecating around Beijing actually opens the eyes to millions of people of how bad communist China really is. Hosting an Olympics isn't doing the country any favors. It's just unlocking dark secrets for the world to see and makes us dislike their politics even more.

6) Someone needs to get rid of Bob Costas once and for all! He keeps showing up. Please keep him on HBO where nobody watches. I really, really dislike the man. He gained his fame in the 1992 and 1996 Olympics, but during the 1997 & 1998 NBA Finals as Jordan torched my Jazz, he starting calling him Michael on every possession. I'm sorry Bob, but you and Michael are not on a first name basis. Please call him Michael Jordan or Jordan. You didn't go to high school together, and even if you did, you were calling him Master as he gave your short, nerdy a$$ a swirly in between classes.

7) I also want to b-slap the color commentator during the women's gymnastics finals. He gave the U.S. no love, yet applauded the Chinese 10-year-olds at every turn. I think he even squealed like a little girl during one of the Chinese girl's routines. I swear they hired him straight from the set of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

8) The other night, I was able to watch women's judo without any announcers or commentators. If you don't know the rules of judo, it just looks like two women fighting, and winner face plants her opponents and proceeds to give her a wedgie! We have a winner!

I think Team USA (no longer referred to as Dream Team) will win gold this year because of the additions of Chris Paul and my man, Deron Williams. Bringing those two off the bench (Jason Kidd only played 5 minutes with a fork sticking out of his back against Greece) will propel this team to the Gold.

Basketball is truly an international sport now. It may be the second most important worldwide sport, still way behind soccer. I heard someone on the radio say it surpassed soccer, but he's an idiot. We're still 100 years away from that.

But yes, Kobe, Lebron and Dwayne Wade will lead "Redeem Team" to the Gold and everybody will be happy for another four years. That game against China on Sunday morning was the most watched basketball game of all-time, which is good for the NBA and all of its problems that David Stern refuses to fix.

And to honor the Olympic games, I suggest we all eat Chinese food for breakfast, lunch and dinner until the torch fades. Who's with me?

7 Reasons the Jazz Need to Keep Boozer

2008-08-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

1. He’s a top 5 power forward. You can have either Duncan or Garnett as a power forward, but not both. Throw Bosh and Gasol in there and he may even be top 4. David West and Brand are close, but Boozer is either better or as good as those two. You don’t typically trade top 5 guys unless you’re Memphis or Minnesota.

2. We need to keep the Jazz competitive and DWill happy. What happens to Boozer this offseason seems to be on Deron's mind. They are buddies and they make a really good tandem. If the Jazz shun Boozer, you never know if that might turn Deron off too.

3. 32 points, 18 rebounds, 60% shooting. Those are the numbers Carlos put up in the Delta Center the last year he played for Cleveland, leading the Cavs to their first win in SLC in 14 years. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want him putting up those numbers against us again, or against any other team for that matter, if he isn’t a Jazzman.

4. Paul Millsap averages a foul every 6 minutes. Millsap is an absolute beast and I can’t mention how much I love his tenacity and hustle. But he fouls at one of the quickest rates in the game and if he was forced to play significantly more minutes, it would be a huge problem. In comparison, Boozer committed a foul every 10 minutes last year.

5. There would be a decrease in funny fan signs at the games. “I’m a Mormon, but I love my Booze” is nothing short of a riot. Where would the fans get a laughs from when going to the arena if Boozer got traded? I mean, it’s good for at least five belly laughs from Bolerjack a season. There is the Bear’s "make fun of the refs" schtick.

6. He’s only 26 years old. He doesn’t put up as many points as Karl Malone did at 26, but he rebounds as well and shoots as well from the field as the mailman. And even though defense is his apparent weakness, he gets as many steals and blocks as Malone did at the same age. Remember, even though Malone was a good defender, he didn’t make the 1st-team defensive list until his 13th year. And he was only 2nd team once before that. Boozer has some time to learn.

7. Boozer might only be the scapegoat the fans need. The same fans that want to see Boozer shipped out, probably wanted Kirilenko gone after last season’s overly emotional playoffs and pout session. And whether you would like to admit it, Andrei had a great season. Fans always need a reason the season didn’t result in a trophy and Boozer is the popular reason now. If he has a stellar season, we will forget that we ever called for his head just like we forget that we wanted AK’s last season.

Bill Parcells is a Turd

2008-08-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3531243

Yes. There is a reason Dallas did so well in their first year without him last year. Yes, he's good at rebuilding rosters with youth, but sometimes you need veterans to win games. This article should cost him a win or two this year with the Dolphins.

Also, he brought in Chad Pennington (which should be a good short-term solution to the 2008 season) at QB which means that former BYU QB John Beck should find himself looking for a backup job at the end of August when teams are trimmed down to a 53-man roster. The Dolphins should keep Pennington, McCown, and newly drafted Chad Henne from over-rated Michigan as the three QBs on the rosters.

I'm sure John Beck should land a backup job in the league somewhere. I just hope he sees playing time by next year. In fact, it would do Beck some good to stay unemployed until about week 2, then when a QB gets hurt on some team (say the Packers, Vikings, Ravens, etc.). He should be able to play right away.

Parcells hasn't done squat since Scott Norwood's potential Super Bowl winning kick went wide left back in 1991. Yet 18 years later he's all you hear about, even though he is no longer a head coach. So Brian Kehl (former BYU linebacker now drafted by the Giants), please use the New York media to get yourself as much modeling and marketing contracts as possible while you're still out there.

Yup, it's all about ego when it comes to Parcells and his nasty tight
shirts he wore on the sidelines with the Cowboys that made millions of
Americans collectively and simultaneously dry heave. He can't admit
anybody can have success unless HE hand-picked them. Jason Taylor (the
NFL's Defensive player of the year two years ago), Zack Thomas (the
all-time leading tackler for the Dolphins) and Trent Green (a
reliable backup/starter) are no longer with the team just because of
what happened last year and Parcells will throw out talent just to
make sure that it's all about his architectural work on the roster.

P.S. I've been working on my 2008 NFL upcoming picks for the upcoming season, so stay tuned.

P.P.S. I'd work out some college picks, but it doesn't really matter because Ohio State, Oklahoma, Florida, and all other major conference schools will finish at the top no matter what happens anyway. DOWN WITH THE BCS!

Summer Sports

2008-07-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Summer sports season is officially over today. NFL training camps opened! Football is here! FINALLY!

I know it's been just over a month since the Boston Celtics captured the NBA title, but to me it feels like I've watched dozens of movies and read plenty of books to help fill the black hole. We had the NBA draft, which is becoming less of an event as I realize it means nothing until three years down the road. We had lots of baseball, golf and an exciting Wimbledon Final.

But what I discovered this year is that my two favorite "sports" of the summer are:

1) Poker: Texas Hold 'Em

2) Hacky sack (also known as "footbag," and called "Sipa" -- which is a brand name -- by someone here in Utah).

I know, I know... Some of you will disagree that poker and hacky sack are not actually sports, which provides me the content of today's blog. What is and what is NOT a sport? What criteria are most important to make the cut? And finally, is golf a sport?

Well, lets put it to the test...

I have three rules about a whether or not something is a sport...

a) Rules/Pressure: There have to be rules, competition, winners, losers, time limits, etc. A game has to be played, and a result has to be concluded.

b) Athlete/Skill: Does it make you sweat? Or does it require absolute peak physical condition to play at the top level? Are you considered an athlete to play the sport?

c) Equipment. Does it involve some type of ball, or even a special pair of shoes. Sports are not something you do while wearing a suit.

I also have a few sub rules, that are not a requirement, but things I consider important help make it pass the test. We'll call them Joe requirements.

i) Can you drink alcohol and play at the same time?

ii) Is it considered "manly"?

iii) Team sports are given a higher value than individual sports. Although athletes are not necessarily better or worse for participating in a team sport, team sports draw a level of respect because of the camaraderie and teamwork involved.

Sports are part of what makes a man, well "a man" (grunt). One of the main differences between boys and girls is that a boy can take a ball and be entertained for hours on end, while girls tend to get bored quickly with the ball/toy/contraption, the rules and the competition. Then they'll leave to form a group and want to talk amongst themselves for hours upon end. So if you're a dude and you fall on the latter end, you're either metrosexual or a geek.

So, let's take an example:

Football: You take a funny shaped ball, hit each other a lot, and throw in a million rules and BOOM, you have the most popular sport in America. I think we can all agree football fits the criteria for a sport.

SOLID SPORTS: football, basketball, soccer, hockey, volleyball, lacrosse, gymnastics, swimming, track and field, wrestling, boxing, tennis, baseball etc.

Now, let's look at an example of a borderline sport:

Ultimate Frisbee: You take a Frisbee, pass it around, with the goal of getting to a certain point to score points. You run, you sweat, but it's really quite silly, and the die-hards who actually play it regularly take it way too seriously. It's a sport, but really no one in their right mind wants to admit it.

BORDERLINE SPORTS: Ultimate Frisbee, softball, Quidditch, cycling, etc.

The Baseball/Softball debate: Baseball makes the cut, and softball doesn't. Softball a bastardized version of baseball. But here is the thing about baseball. Baseball is a team sport that really ends up being a battle between the pitcher and the hitter while 8 people stand around on defense and 8 teammates watch from the dugout. But it requires strength to hit the ball deep, it can tire you out by running the bases, and collisions in the outfield and the home plate are just awesome. But these athletes get paid millions of dollars to make a plate appearance four times a game, then go in the outfield to maybe catch 3-4 balls per game. It's a sport highly dependant on skills, which is why a guy like Nolan Ryan and Julio Franco can play well into their mid 40s and guys like Jim Abbott (one arm) Cecil and Prince Fielder (fat asses) can make the pros.

Quidditch: The wizard/witch imaginary sport created in the Harry Potter books seems like a legit sport. It's like flying soccer with some American aspects (hoops, etc). But the scoring makes no sense. Each team has players that score goals worth 10 points on each other. But each team has an independent dude (the seeker) that flies around trying to catch something (the snitch) that will score 150 points and end the game, which almost always happens. It's like two sports in one??? In book four of the series ("The Goblet of Fire"), Viktor Krum is an excellent seeker stuck on a crappy team of goal scorers. His team gets down 150 points on goals, yet he still catches the snitch to end the game. Everybody is satisfied because the other team won, but Krum was amazing. The book states that he was trying to save his team further embarrassment by ending the game, but really who in their right mind would end the game if it meant losing?

Quidditch is fundamentally flawed and no dude would ever accept those rules to a game of such "great importance" in the wizard world.

Not a sport. Here is an example of something that isn't a sport:

Poker: Poker is not a sport. Although it can be considered a sport with its recent popularity and airings on ESPN, it requires no physical activity. It takes skill to read your opponent and wits to make and call bluffs, but guys sit around for hours and hours and bet money. Any fat blob, or blind person can sit down and play and it is not a sport. It's a game.

NON-SPORTS: Poker, hacky sack, golf, darts, video games, jogging, weightlifting, NASCAR, and I'm sure there are plenty of others...

Golf: Ok, here is where the arguments start and people will call me a moron. Does golf have rules and competition? Yes. Does it require athletic ability to crush the ball long ? Yes. Is there special equipment? Yes.

So what's my problem with golf? Is it hard? Yes. Does it make professional athletes like Michael Jordan look ridiculous playing it? Yes. When you boil it down, it's a skill. It's a skill that millions covet.

Here are my problems with golf. Greg Norman is 53 years old and just nearly won a tournament. Pro golfers have caddies! People go drink and play golf -- hand-in-hand. Michelle Wie is a 14-year old girl, yet they let her play against the professionals in the men's league. Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open with a torn ACL!

Young boys don't start playing golf. Men who are past their prime physical physique start playing golf. It's an excuse to still do something once you've developed your beer gut. It's something utilized to avoid the wife once you retire (like work used to do when you worked). It's a hobby for rich people. It's a skill you acquire. It's revered by millions, but it's not an athletic event. Thanks to Tiger, it has inspired younger golfers. But really, it was bound to happen. You plug an athlete like him into an old man's game and of course he would inspire millions of youngsters to play. That would be like me taking over shuffleboard tournaments on a cruise ship.

So there you have it. Let the arguments begin.

Catching Up With Average Joe Through Video

2008-07-02T23:46:00.000-07:00